Wednesday, January 7, 2009 :: 03:43 p.m. I have everything, and yet I have nothing. Thursday, July 10, 2008 :: 03:26 a.m. I've heard of feeling "alone in a crowd of people," which probably refers to a crowd of strangers and acquaintances, but I've been noticing lately that it's possible to feel alone in a group of friends. I can't explain it. I think I need a deeper connection. When I go home for the night, I need to feel like I'm still a part of something outside of myself. I need to know I'm an integral part of my friends' lives and that they are the same for me. It's an odd sensation, a different kind of loneliness. I really, really love my friends and love getting to spend so much time with them. I've been incredibly blessed to know a heaping helping of some of the world's most amazing people! I will never forget the times I've had with them, and I never take our hang outs for granted. I guess that's what I miss about having a girlfriend, knowing there's at least one person who misses you as much as you miss her when you're apart. But I also know that I need to find my happiness, my identity, my fulfillment in God and nothing else. Is my loneliness a sign that I'm not really as close with God as I need to be, or is it just natural for all people? The self-pity train has been making runs through my brain the last few nights. I need to spend some serious time in prayer. Love, Chris Sunday, June 29, 2008 :: 02:40 a.m. Hey, Pitas! Just an update here for ya': I feel happier and more fulfilled than I've felt in a long, long time. Love, Chris Friday, January 18, 2008 :: 02:54 a.m. "Gotta' gotta' gotta' gotta' get out of town!" That's a song I just wrote in my head. I pretty much just put a rhythm and a melody to a phrase that's been on my mind a lot the past several months. It tends to pop up in moments when I feel completely helpless to get myself out of this rut and only desire to get as far away from it as possible. But what the heck am I running from? Can one escape from one's own thoughts? I don't honestly believe I could. The battle is all in my mind. I am my own worst enemy. I don't only consider the worst-case scenario, I expect it (even though it hardly ever turns out to be as bad as I expect). I can force myself to believe that I'm optimistic, but the deepest part of my mind is perpetually pessimistic. Let it go, Chris. Let it go. Seriously, just let it go! Still, a new situation sounds promising, doesn't it? Something that would take my mind off of myself and force it to think about others first. That would be nice. New Year's resolution #1: Drop it, smile, get outside of myself, and be thankful for the amazing beauty with which God showers me every day! Tuesday, November 20, 2007 :: 03:24 p.m. There are two sides to my personality that coexist on a daily basis (does that sentence even make sense?). One side is generally optimistic and idealistic, and that's the side I choose to show to the world (and the internet at large) most often. The other side is extremely pessimistic and defeatist, and that seems to be what I let out in this journal. That being said, here's my "woe is me," self-loathing thought of the day: Sometimes I wish I could be a totally different person. Sunday, September 9, 2007 :: 02:27 a.m. At nighttime especially, the world is large, dark, and excruciatingly lonely. Monday, June 25, 2007 :: 01:26 a.m. I talk big, but I'm really bad about actually going through with what I know are the right ideas. Right now, I wanna' turn over new leaves all over the freakin' place, but I find myself slipping back into old habits. Today in church, Kyle (the pastor) asked us to think of one word that describes what we need to repent of; mine was "self-centeredness." Honestly, when I think about it, everything I struggle with stems from self-centeredness. And it doesn't matter how hard I try to be selfless, I almost always find that, in one way or another, it comes back around to me. Does that make sense? I think there's a Damezumari song about that, how we can never truly be as altruistic as we try to be. I believe it's called "Altruism," as a matter of fact. I've talked about humility before in this blog, and I think selflessness is the same way: if you think you're selfless, you're probably not. Isn't it strange how things like that work? If you're doing something for someone else just to feel better about yourself, then it's all just coming back around to you. It takes real, genuine love to be truly selfless, and I believe, once again, it all has to start by focusing on God instead of yourself or anything else. This is something I'm trying to learn and put into practice. Life means so much more when you're living according to God's plan. Love is so much more real when it's flowing from God's heart through yours. I don't want to do the work myself, because I'll do it for the wrong reasons; I want God to work through me. "I hope to lose myself for good. I hope to find it in the end, but not in me; in You." - Switchfoot, "You" That is my prayer. Tuesday, December 5, 2006 :: 02:57 a.m. What do I really need out of life, and how do I get it? There are plenty of things that I want, but those are almost entirely at odds with what I really need. I want to be in a touring band. I want to be free from stressful jobs (and other stress-inducing things). I want to find that special girl. You know, I want things that I think will make me happy, at least for the time being. But that's just the thing: they're temporary fixes, if they're fixes at all. What I really need is more of God and less of me. What I need is to put the happiness of others before my own. What I need is more faith, more love, more humility. That's where satisfaction comes from. It's the giving, not the receiving. It's losing myself in God instead of puffing myself up. That's the kind of life I need. Now, here's the question: what exactly does that kind of life look like, and how do I go about shaping mine to look that way? Sunday, November 26, 2006 :: 03:26 a.m. I have many dreams (besides being a touring musician) that will probably never come true, whether it's because I'm too lazy, I don't have enough time, or they're just impossible. Dream number one: I would like to read a lot of great poetry and be able to learn from it, because I would like to be able to better and more elegantly express myself through poetry and lyrics. I would like to be able to write beautiful things that resonate with people. Most of the time, I feel like my lyrics just aren't that great. How does Aaron Weiss do it? How do Matt Joynt and Tony Cavallario do it? There's something I'm missing, some poetic state of mind, or maybe I just need a larger vocabulary and better phrasing. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure reading more good poetry would help. Dream number two: I would like to be able to effortlessly design beautiful things. I look at other graphic designers' websites, and it seems like they just have an endless stream of awesome ideas. Maybe I need further training, or something, but I'm just not that creative. I feel like these poets and designers must have brains that work far differently from my own. It seems like they're light-years ahead of me in terms of intelligence and skill, yet many of them are my age. I don't know. I just wish I could do the things they do. On some level, I actually believe I can do those things, but I just need to do some studying and practicing first. Man, anytime I write anything anymore it sounds so stupid. I think I've lost some skill in that area. I can never fully articulate what I'm trying to say, so I just stop abruptly and move on to something else, like I'm about to do here. Dream number three: Okay, this is actually the main one, and it involves pretty much a complete personal overhaul. I dream of being a humble, loving, giving person. To the extreme. I want to live the kind of life Jesus has instructed me to live. Right now, I'm failing horribly in every one of those areas and more. I just want to be the man God intends for me to be. I want to love God and everyone deeply and serve them completely. Do these things sound out-of-reach? To me, they do and they don't. I believe if I could get focused, I might be able to do some of these things. But I also know myself well enough to know that I probably won't get focused, so these things will always be just beyond my grasp. But man, how I wish I could get focused. Tuesday, October 24, 2006 :: 01:34 a.m. Love is a hard habit to get into, and pride is such a tough one to break. I do a lot of working these days. Lots o' it. I stay late most days, come home and eat some food, look at stupid things on the internet, and then either take a nap or go back to work (usually the latter). Then I eat at least one more time, look at some more stupid things, and go to bed. The weekend breaks the cycle (sometimes), and some weekdays are abnormal. But generally, that's my life. It feels good to have something to do every day, even if it is stressful and time-consuming. There are other things I'd like to do, things that I think would make me a better person, but I'm too lazy to do those things. Or maybe I'm just afraid to leave work for too long. Or maybe I'm just lazy. I sort of have a beard right now. Some people like it, others haven't noticed it, and I'm kinda' tired of it. Scales played a show this weekend for the first time in three months, and it felt sooo good! It was at the Tree, too, which was awesome. Life is cool and could be even cooler if I'd just change the way I do some things. My family and friends are awesome. I learn all kinds of things from them daily. I have no real goals at this point in my life; I'm just working away and hoping to someday tour the country and play music. A fortune cookie told me there's an interesting musical opportunity in my near future, and it was on a day that we'd been having serious conversations about such things. No lie. Is that a coincidence? I don't know if God generally speaks through fortune cookies, but I don't see why He couldn't. Either way, I'm keeping my eyes open. My purpose will be revealed to me when the time is right. How is your life today? Tuesday, September 19, 2006 :: 01:43 a.m. You know what? Life is good. I do a lot less whining these days. That doesn't mean I do significantly less worrying, but I don't complain about it anymore. Things are really good. Anything that's wrong is inside of me, and it can and will be changed with prayer and determination. It's my problem, not the world's, and it is not hopeless. I'm sitting here listening to my band, Scales of Motion. I like to listen to music I've made. Maybe that makes me a little self-centered, but I like to reflect on it and get excited about it and think of ways to do new things with it. I'm really pumped up right now. We toured in May, did a few shows over the summer, but we haven't played live or really even practiced much since July. It's just because we've been busy with all kinds of other stuff, but I think it's been good, in a way. Maybe we'll be fresh and ready to get things going in a whole new way now. I, personally, am excited about getting some shows at venues we're not used to, trying out new visuals and playing different instruments live. And, of course, I'm just pretty freaking excited about playing the new songs Kevin's been writing, as well as writing more new ones. I kind of want the next album to be really spacey and to kind of create a thick emotional fog. Maybe that's not the best way to explain it. I just want it to create an atmosphere. Anyway, I'm really hyped up about band stuff right now. I made a post a little less than a year ago about this real, intense spiritual experience I was having. To this day, the best way I can describe it is to say that it was true life, the way God intended it. I really, truly felt blissfully unconcerned about things of the world, and all of my focus was on God. God made all of that happen, and, of course, when my own self started to creep back into the mix, everything fell apart. Today, almost a year later, I don't feel at all like that person. I am once again more interested in music and clothes and other selfish things than I am in the things of God. I could go on and on about how dissatisfied I've been with myself, but I won't. Right now, I'm actually having trouble being dissatisfied or really feeling anything. I'm just sort of numb and have this almost robotic impulse to consume, consume, consume. But I digress. Like I said at the beginning of this post, these things will change with prayer. That's the attitude to have. Hopelessness and despair only bring more of the same. So, to sum it up, I'm a robot, I love playing music, and someday soon, God will thaw my frozen heart, remove the scales from my eyes, and everything will be clear and beautiful. Also, due to lack of motivation and practice, I am now a horrible writer. Sorry you have to read my choppy sentences and unoriginal wording. Thursday, August 24, 2006 :: 08:02 p.m. Currently reading: Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton, Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning Currently listening to: Some Echoes by Aloha Currently working: Harder than ever before as "graphics manager" at the sign shop. Currently feeling: Much more responsible, still just as prideful, but more determined to become the man I need to be. Monday, July 17, 2006 :: 03:20 a.m. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I'm starting to feel like figuring it out is not really so urgent. I've been thinking a lot about really, deeply, completely trusting God in every way, and it seems to me that that's the most important thing I could be working on. I mean, I'm not gonna' stop looking for a job or anything, but I think if I could trust God completely, everything else would fall into place. And if it didn't happen the way I'd like for it to, I don't think I'd care. I need to work on these things: One, loving God, and two, loving others. Everything else is up to God, and I need to trust that He'll do what's best. I don't know, but I think that may just be what life is all about. Wednesday, July 12, 2006 :: 03:55 a.m. Love is all you need. But having a job doesn't hurt. It's hard to be as loving as I'd like to be when I'm so busy worrying about the future, but I think God's helping me overcome that obstacle. Sunday, July 2, 2006 :: 04:00 a.m. I'm gonna' redesign this blog and make it clean and white and smiley and happy. I'm gonna' find some new leaf somewhere and turn that sucker over. I'm gonna' write lyrics to the guitar songs I've been writing. I'm gonna' get out in the world and meet people and all that good stuff. I'm gonna' get some self-confidence and get over my fear of talking to girls. ha Basically, I'm gonna' stop being such a freak. haha Oh man, that's a daunting list. It'll take some time. Tuesday, June 27, 2006 :: 01:57 a.m. Spammers have found my guestbook. They're posting stupid links. I've started a solo project. I'm writing songs on guitar and singing vocal melodies to them and dreaming of writing lyrics. Will the lyrics come? I sure hope so. I feel like updating all of my weblogs with a series of inconsequential sentences. I'm pretty much doing that right now. I'm such a downer when I'm alone. Don't ever hang out with me when I'm by myself. ha Maybe I'm just introspective. Maybe everyone's like that at night. I don't know. Thursday, June 22, 2006 :: 01:23 a.m. I feel like eating some sweets and drinking some tea and driving until I find a quiet spot and sitting there forever. I'm tired of things. Myself, mostly. This blog is so depressing to read. I need to shut-up and get a life. Tuesday, June 20, 2006 :: 01:54 a.m. Doing good is something you actually have to work at. I tend to let go of the good parts of my character far too easily in favor of laziness and moment-by-moment satisfaction of my own selfish desires. I'm a pretty self-centered guy. On a superficial level, I think I'm awesome. On a deeper level, however, I really am not fond of myself most of the time. I'm especially not fond of the way my shallow side thinks I'm awesome. My better side hates my prideful side. It's really strange, and I don't think I'm explaining it very well. But maybe you've had a similar feeling? I don't know. There has to be a difference between loving yourself and being prideful, because I think being able to love yourself is a Biblical principle. If we don't even love ourselves, how are we going to love our neighbors AS ourselves? Maybe it comes down to being satisfied with the way God made you. I think about a lot of these things in my better moments, which, admittedly, are increasingly fewer and farther between. I can't quite figure it out. I can only guess that it takes pulling my eyes off of myself and placing my gaze fully on God. If I could get myself to do that, maybe these other things would come naturally. I'm sure that's the way it's supposed to work. I'm just so stubborn. I just started reading a book by Brennan Manning (thanks for the recommendation, Gabe!) in which he talks about trusting God completely. There's a short section where he points out that even focusing on our bad traits is self-centeredness. I need to give it all to God, follow Him, and let everything else fall in line. Wednesday, May 31, 2006 :: 03:31 a.m. I turned 23 two days ago. I don't really feel older, but knowing that I'm 23 makes me feel like I ought to be more accomplished than I am by now. Does that make sense? Speak up, Pitas. Anyway, the summer's been fantastic so far. It started with an awesome family trip to Wisconsin, where we saw all kinds of awesome stuff. Soon after that, Scales of Motion and Damezumari went on tour, and that was definitely a lot of sweetness. We also got to hang with Kyle for a few days before he left for Florida, and that was great. Now the job search is beginning again. I kind of feel like starting fresh with everything and getting my entire life in order, from insignificant surface things all the way to the condition of my heart. I wanna' clean my desk and my room and change the 5-year-old decorations on my wall. I wanna' cut off all my hair and get in better shape. I wanna' get out there and meet new people and have new experiences. Most importantly, I want to love God and people with my whole heart, and I want it to show in every one of my actions. I want to find the right church and start growing with others. And I want to live to my full potential instead of wasting time. I really would like to figure out what I need to be doing with my life, because I still feel so aimless. It seems like there's got to be something much deeper. There's a radical idealist inside me that tells me to drop everything and serve God in an extreme way, but there's also a more rational voice that tells me to find a normal job and serve God in smaller, but no less significant, ways. Then there's the voice I usually listen to that tells me to put off thinking about all that hard stuff because it's too much trouble. I end up sitting in front of this computer and surfing the internet all day every day. Truth is, I'm scared to make all of these changes, even though they're the things I want and need the most. I feel strongly that they need to happen right away, but I don't know exactly how to make them happen. Even so, I'm going to treat this summer as a time to start becoming the man God wants me to be, and we'll see where it takes me. I am scared to death and excited as all get-out. Thursday, April 13, 2006 :: 12:43 a.m. It's not that I like procrastinating or that I really enjoy wasting time on the internet that much, it's just that I dislike doing homework. Actually, it's not so much that I dislike doing it as I dread doing it. I dread trying to come up with an initial concept, because I know it's going to take me forever. So instead I sit around and put off starting the process until the last minute, effectively making it take more of my time than it would if I would just buckle down and get it going. Life is confusing, you know? Oops, let me post something else before I get into this... TAKE NOTE: I'm not whining. I'm a happy person who thinks too much. Anyway, as I was saying, life is confusing. There are so many decisions to make, so many possible ways to go, and who knows which way is the right way? That statement applies to so many different things I've been thinking about lately, but I'm not motivated enough right now to elaborate on any of them. Why am I even posting this? Saturday, February 18, 2006 :: 04:55 a.m. Calm. I am calm. Listen, I know these last few entries have been a little frantic, but this is life. There has been an abundance of learning and growth in the midst of this pain. I'm going through this because there's something wonderful on the other side. I've seen that wonderful something. I've felt it wrapped around me and never wanted it to let go. God is real for more reasons than I could ever recount here, and I submit to you that if He did not exist or did not desire to be close to us, we would be one sick, sad society. We are a sick, sad society, but there's a way to escape from it. The reason I haven't been all that "happy" lately is simple: I have not tried hard enough to escape from this society. It has sucked me in, and I can't pull away. The media, self-centeredness, materialism, pursuit of the American Dream: these are the things that kill us. We work and work and buy and buy and stress ourselves out until we can't see straight, all while chasing after some invisible happiness that we're never going to find. At least we won't find it in the American Dream. God is not the author of confusion. God is not stressful. When I am truly close to God, I am free. When I allow Him to get through to me, I am at peace, and it is real. So thank you for your concern, but life without God is precisely the thing that's been killing me. God is carrying me out of this desert, and I'm sorry for complaining while I was trapped in it. Really, I am. But maybe it's good, in a way, that I posted those entries, because they illustrate something very clearly. The last few entries show life without God. Now, read my entry from December 13th and others before that. That is life with God. One is clearly better than the other. Nothing but love for everyone! I'm sorry I whine so much. I pray God will work with me on that. I post all of this in this journal because (as far as I know) hardly anyone reads it. It feels more private to me (but maybe that's not the case; I don't know). Anyway, it's catharsis for me. If you read it, then, well, you're reading about my journey in faith. It isn't easy, but who says it should be? Any faith that has any value is not easy, and I'd much rather struggle for the light than rest in darkness. Monday, February 13, 2006 :: 04:47 a.m. I pretty much really want to get out of town for awhile. Two weeks or so. I want to forget about responsibility, forget about figuring out life, forget about figuring out myself. Just for a little while. I just want to drive and see things and be able to take a deep breath. Some pretty scenery would probably do my soul a lot of good. I want to have a deep, long conversation with someone. I want to be a better friend. I want to be encouraging. I want to be filled with joy and love, and I want to pass it on to everyone I meet. I want to know my purpose in life. I want to feel like I'm not at a dead end, to feel like I'm going somewhere. I want a change of scenery. Better yet, how about a change of everything. I feel like I'm just "getting through" life and not really living. I want to be passionate about something and to know what to do with that passion. I want to follow Jesus, but I never look to Him. I want to serve God, but too often I just want to be comfortable. Comfort is killing me. Serving God does not guarantee comfort, but it does guarantee true satisfaction and fulfillment. And it guarantees that I will not be stationary. That's what I want the most: purpose, movement, fulfillment. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just letting my thoughts spill out. Suffice it to say, I want to be so much more than I am, and I want to do so much more than I do. Sunday, February 5, 2006 :: 03:12 a.m. Life is pointless if you're living for yourself, and it's pointless if you're living for money or material possessions. Heck, it's pointless if you're living with your focus on anything that's gonna' disappear when this world ends. If you're living this way and expecting to someday be satisfied, you're going to be severely disappointed, and you're probably going to drive yourself crazy, make yourself ill or become deeply depressed before it's all said and done. That's what I know. I also know this: humans are stupid. How do I know? Because I'm so dadgum stupid. I can honestly say that there is no area in which I am perfect. There is nothing with which I do not struggle. In everything, it's a constant battle to stand up straight, and just when I think I've gained my footing, I fall back to the ground. Every time. Stupid stupid stupid. Love? I have little. Pride? Tons. Faith? It fluctuates, but it hovers in the lower register, mostly. Lust? Don't get me started. Understanding? Negligible. And on and on and on. I'm full of what I don't want and all but devoid of what I truly need. And that is all I understand about life. Everything else is a mystery to me. I have ideas, beliefs, experiences. I have vague hopes and dreams and goals. But really, what do I know? What do any of us know? Is there any way we can help each other understand? Within the last two months or so, I've soared to the highest heights of spirituality and crashed into the deepest depths of doubt and frustration. I've caught glimpses at times of those higher heights, but have yet to soar again. This, I've been told, is the Christian life. I suppose I should know this by now, because I've been through this process many times. It's just that this time it's so much more intense. It's left me numb and hesitant. I don’t know how to make a move. And on top of all of this, here I am again, stuck with the prospect of deciding on a direction for my life. At this point, I generally assume I’d rather live in a van and make next to nothing than have the life drained out of me at some soulless 9 to 5. And I suspect if I would listen I’d hear Jesus telling me to calm down and it’ll be all right. I’ll understand in time. He knows my shortcomings, and He’s more than strong enough to make up for them. He knows the plans He has for me, where He wants to take me, how He wants me to serve Him. But what do I need to do? Does it really just take complete surrender? How do I surrender completely? ------------------------------------------------- And as I typed that last sentence, I think I got an answer. In any case, I am suddenly completely calm. Dad, Mom (and whoever else reads this), please pray for me. I’m trying to find my way in life, but I think I can be pretty sure that Jesus is right here beside me. Wednesday, January 18, 2006 :: 08:53 p.m. Well, hey. I hate to sound whiny, but I'm really stressing myself out about a lot of things, putting everything off until the last minute, confusing myself and allowing myself to be confused, not listening to God, asking God pointless questions, reverting to old habits (some good foresight in that last post, eh?), being filled with pride, lacking love, losing sight of the path ahead that I thought was coming into view. At least this is clear evidence that when I'm not following God, everything falls apart. The last post is evidence that the reverse is also true. I want to get back to that place more desperately than I could hope to express, but something in my stupid human brain is holding me back. I thought I'd won the battle against my weak faith, but I guess there's more to fight. In addition to all of this, and perhaps because of it, I find myself unable to write the remainder of the lyrics I need before we record on Saturday, and I'm also starting to dislike those I've already written. I feel like the most ineloquent and least insightful lyricist in the world. Pitiful, right? I've been blessed so much, but I still can't get myself to rise above all this foolish crap. I realize there are people in much more dire circumstances who need prayer infinitely more than I do, but if you can find a moment, can you please pray for me? Ask God to reveal Himself to me, to strengthen me, to guide me, to inspire me, to remind me that I am His and nothing else matters. Ask Him to wash away my silly doubts, my pride, and all the foolish things inside me. Ask Him to help me discern truth from fiction, to help me be more confident and trust Him fully, to pull me out of this muck and help me focus on others, to help me glorify Him in all I do. Ask Him to help me meet others who truly desire to do His will. And, though this is less important than the rest, ask Him to help me become a better lyricist. I would really, really appreciate it more than you'll ever know. Right now, I'm just feeling really broken and empty (but don't worry; I'm still doing my homework! Just slowly). ::edit:: If you need prayer for anything, mystery reader of my Pitas, please e-mail me or comment or something, and I will certainly pray for you. Let's help each other. Prayer is the best possible way to do it. Tuesday, December 13, 2005 :: 02:07 a.m. Without getting too in-depth, here's what my life is like these days: Some days I'm confused, other days I feel like I know exactly what I need to do and why, but every day God is teaching me perhaps more than ever before. If I can learn to shut off the world's noise, listen and follow His voice, this means massive life change. Massive, exciting life change. The discovery of a purpose. A nearness to my Savior like I've never known. I am thrilled but hesitant, aware of my short attention span and tendency to wander away. I've held off on posting about any of this because it's so deeply personal and for fear of jinxing myself. It seems like any time I post about some positive change, I lose focus and revert to the same old habits. I do not want that to happen this time. God is working in me to change me, and I don't want to do anything to hold Him back. If you read this and you're the praying type, could you please say a prayer for me to keep my focus and to really, truly listen for His voice? I'm convinced prayer is the most powerful tool we have. Thank you! Friday, September 2, 2005 :: 01:05 a.m.       I'm writing lyrics, and I keep thinking in rap cadence. Every couplet that pops into my head ends up sounding like Common. In fact, I keep hearing Common's voice in my head reciting the lines. It all has to do with the fact that I've listened to pretty much nothing but the new Kanye West album since Tuesday, so I've got hip-hop pulsing through my brain non-stop. Rap cadence would be awkward in our songs, though, so I'm going to have to force myself out of this mode for a minute. Then again, maybe it'd be cool. Who knows?       It's bizarre: I'm sitting in a comfortable chair in my room in my house working on my computer while hundreds of thousands of people just south and to the east of me are newly displaced and have absolutely nothing to call their own. I'm bobbing my head to feel-good music while people in New Orleans are waist-deep in contaminated water and trying to survive with no food and in a state of complete lawlessness. "Urban warfare" is how officials are describing it. I spent a nice evening with my parents. People down south don't know where their families are.       How utterly bizarre is it that the world keeps spinning, the sun continues to rise, the mundanity of life persists for those of us in the rest of the country? It's so completely unfair that we even have the luxury of worrying about our jobs, our classes and the price of gas. I have the same feeling when any disaster strikes somewhere in the world. How can we go on living happily when so many people's lives have just come to a complete standstill?       Times like these also get me thinking about charity and our attitudes toward it. It seems like giving is a no-brainer in a situation like this, but why is it not just as urgent the rest of the time? Why is it so much easier for me to ignore the daily struggles of the homeless and hungry all over the country and the world?       Entertainment makes me mad at times like these. Especially vapid entertainment. I'll turn on the TV and wonder how MTV can continue to broadcast their reality show crap about spoiled teenagers and sickeningly rich musicians of dubious talent. And then I start to wonder how in the world they can bring themselves to broadcast this crap at all, disaster or no disaster. Nobody needs it. It's just ridiculous, and I don't know what else to say about it. I mean, I'll admit to crashing on the couch and watching this stuff every now and then, and some of it can be kind of fun in the most mind-numbing sense. But desperate times make me realize all the more how useless it all is.       I can't begin to imagine what those hurricane victims are going through. In the news coverage, it all seems like it's on another planet; it's so surreal. I'd almost like to see it up-close and rock myself out of my complacency. But even though I can't comprehend it, I know these people need more help than we can fathom, and I feel entirely helpless. Please pray. Wednesday, August 24, 2005 :: 03:37 a.m.       I have huge calluses on the fingers of my left hand from playing guitar pretty much non-stop. My huge calluses make me feel really special. I feel like I'm really something now.       Kevin and I have started a new project called Line and Shape. It's just the two of us. We've got a few songs that we plan to play live as soon as we write some lyrics. I'm pretty freakin' stoked about it.       Damezumari practice today yielded a new song. I'm amped about that, too.       Scales of Motion has practice this weekend, and we have a show on September 2nd. Both of those things are getting me pumped up like there's no tomorrow. We have a new song to teach Craig. Craig, we're gonna' teach you a new song. You're gonna' like it.       Things in Copy Copy-ville are a little slow these days. Too many things going on. When Zach gets back from Colorado (side note: have a good trip, Zach!), I imagine we'll probably get down to business. We've got serious work ahead writing and recording this alien/Beakman/Bill Nye saga. Expect us to destroy you in a live setting again soon.       Northern Regions hasn't done anything in awhile. I think we're gonna' make some artwork for the CD and start selling it pretty soon.       Chrevic Skillerud should play again, but perhaps with more planning this time. I mean, the last time was good, I think, but we only had one day to get it together.       I think that's all of my musical projects right now, but I won't rule out the possibility of more being added. Who the heck knows, you know? I sure don't.       Kevin's recording new Reinvention songs in his dorm room, and I'm jazzed about it. He sent me a .wav file of one song, and I've been listening to it a lot.       If anyone knows what I should do with my life (job-wise...or otherwise), please type or write your suggestions legibly and mail them and/or give them directly to me. I'm running out of ideas.       I just now finished picking all of the hairspray out of my hair. It took awhile, and that means I need a haircut. I'm thinking about doing something to my sideburns, too. I probably won't shave them completely, because I did that a couple of years ago and was less than thrilled with the results. Nevertheless, I think I've subconsciously convinced myself that I'd look better without them.       I've also almost convinced myself that I should buy some red Vans Off-the-Walls, because, aside from those, I have an outfit sitting in my closet that's eerily similar to Beck's outfit in his "Girl" video. How weird is that? Anyway, the more closely I can resemble Beck, the more likely I am to make an unannounced appearance with my acoustic guitar and try to fool some people. I have elaborate plans of how I could get it all on film, too. If it all worked out, I'd pitch it to MTV as a hidden camera show called "Fake Beck," or something.       Have you ever read more pointless words in one post? Tuesday, August 16, 2005 :: 04:01 p.m.       I'm really looking forward to fall. I'm excited about cloudiness, cool breeze, driving around and listening to spacey music. Really, very excited about it.       Speaking of spacey music, I pre-ordered the new Switchfoot album last night, and Amazon gave me a Windows Media stream of the whole album as a bonus. And it's really pretty spacey. And I like it. No matter how my tastes change and expand, I think I'll always be a Switchfoot fan.       I'm excited about the new Broken Social Scene album, even though I don't even own You Forgot It in People. I don't know why I don't. I keep meaning to buy it, but I always end up buying something else instead. Even more inexplicably, I'm sort of excited about the new Boards of Canada album, probably because the album art looks freaking sweet. I've never even listened to BoC that much, but who the heck cares, right?       The new Kanye album should be nice, too. And if the Flaming Lips will ever get around to completing At War With the Mystics, I can't imagine it being anything less than stellar. Sure, I'm not thrilled about "Mr. Ambulance Driver," but I don't hate it, by any means. It's still a good song, and if the bits and pieces of unreleased songs I've heard are any indication, the rest of the album will be far better.       I started my blog thing. I haven't posted any real content, but here's a link to what's up so far: Sun Sun Sun.       Seeeeeee ya'. P.S. Wow, am I 22? Yeah...yeah, I guess I am. I always forget that, and then I'm pretty shocked when I'm reminded. Monday, August 8, 2005 :: 05:43 a.m.       So I've decided to start a semi-professional blog sort of thing. You think maybe I'm in over my head? I think I might be. I mean, I can't even think of a name for the dang thing, let alone figure out how to use WordPress to build it. But I'm determined.       It's going to be sort of a new and more active version of that Ear to the Ground site I started awhile back. I intend to post album reviews, show reviews, song reviews, links to interesting articles, links to good mp3s, and a lot more. I think it'll be a good exercise, if nothing else. Maybe people will actually read it. Who knows? Friday, August 5, 2005 :: 05:01 a.m. I say this all the time, but I don't think anyone reads this blog. That's totally cool with me, since I post a lot of fairly personal stuff (mostly just as a release). I mean, I'm not gonna' post something I don't want people to read, but I post more personal stuff because I don't expect many people to be reading it. Does that make sense? Well, if it doesn't, that's fine, because it has nothing to do with what I'm getting at. What I'm reallyhere to say is that, even though nobody comes to this blog, I'm planning on making it look really fancy. I've been messing around with CSS and all kinds of other cool web design things that I've never messed around with before, and I'm going to use them to make this blog look really top-notch. So there you go. Be on the lookout for it. haha Friday, July 22, 2005 :: 03:06 a.m. Oh, hey, Pitas. What's new? Not much here. Um...yeah...about that whole "not updating" thing...sorry.       What? Oh, of course I've been up to a few things. I mean, I graduated from college, I turned 22, I wrote a song about graduating from college and turning 22. I went with my family to California, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, British Columbia, Idaho, Utah, Colorado, and every state in-between. "In-between" seems like a pretty irresponsible use of language. Oh, and I sent out a bunch of resumes, looked for jobs, played some shows, chilled a little. Today I bought a really awesome shirt.       I have been, and am still, trying to book a reunion show for three bands. On the same night. At the same place. You'll never really know how difficult it is until you've tried. I think we might finally be making some progress, though. It will be awesome once we get it set up. Just you wait.       Um...I'm bored a lot, and I feel a bit lazy and/or useless. But whaddaya' gonna' do, you know? Kevin and Kyle and I are making the best skate DVD ever. I eat cereal every night.       So anyway, that's my life right now, Pitas. I see you haven't changed much. You've got that same light purple-ish background going on and the same news update that's been on the site for the last year. That's pretty cool. It's good to see you're comfortable with yourself.       Well, good talking to you. I think I'm gonna' hit the ol' hay. Later, man. Sunday, April 24, 2005 :: 02:28 a.m.      People keep telling me to update my Pitas, so I'm doing it. Um...I don't have a heckuva lot to say, but I did just merge "heck" and "of" and "a" together. There are big, serious things weighing down on my brain. Big, serious things. Usually, this is the place I come to talk about those things, because I'm pretty positive that almost nobody reads this. But I really don't feel like elaborating. I think it's because I've been thinking about these big, serious things for the past few months constantly, and the thought of spilling it all out and trying to explain my points of view and my concerns just doesn't sound appealing in the least. But here's the brief version:      I graduate from college in two weeks. I have no job lined up, haven't tried to get a job lined up, and have no idea what kind of job I'd like to have lined up. The more I learn about the newspaper business, the less I want to be involved in it. And the more I think about music journalism (which is the one thing I actually feel passionate about), the more I feel like I'm a small fish in a big, big sea teeming with writers who are much more talented.      Then there's this consideration: If I were to find a job as a music journalist, how would my writings be helping anybody? Of what social value is an album review? I just feel like I should do more to try to make the world a better place. Do you know what I'm saying? I think I do, but I'm not even completely sure.      You see, this is the problem. I've turned this journal into a place where I can get out my frustrations and try to make sense of everything, but I just can't get these thoughts in order. I tried to write an entry about all of this a few weeks ago, but it came out a huge, jumbled mess.      There are so many things I'm excited about right now: the fact that I'm finally graduating, the insanely awesome trip my family's getting ready to take, the new closet, darkroom and bathroom upstairs, summer, new Scales songs, Northern Regions recording, and tons of other things. But any time the word "job" comes to mind, I get extremely stressed. If someone could just tell me what field I should work in for the rest of my life (ha), everything would be perfect.      I realize everything's going to work out; I just wish I knew how it was going to work out and how I could make it work out right now. You know?      I guess I did have a heckuva lot to say. Monday, March 7, 2005 :: 01:56 a.m.       I have decided to make a change, or, rather, a number of changes. Yeah, yeah; this is the 500th time I've made this post in this journal, but I always assume writing about it will make me more likely to stick to it.       Of these things I am certain:       -I am horribly, horribly self-centered and just as unfailingly self-conscious.       -I am lazy with a capital "L." Oh, heck, let's make it all caps.       Really, those are my main causes of anxiety. Problem is, I don't know how to do anything about them. Sunday, January 23, 2005 :: 05:57 p.m. On some level, I think it's silly that we're all forced to make a decision in our early 20s about what we want to do for the rest of our lives. I don't think there's anyone who wants to be stuck doing the same thing for 40+ years. On top of that, how in the world are we supposed to know what we should do? Doesn't that take trial and error and all kinds of deliberation, some of which can only take place after experience in an actual working environment? Geeze. I think I'm on the right path. I know I can write well (or so people have told me). At least I enjoy it. I suppose I'll have a wide range of options open to me, as well. So that's good. Maybe I'll write for awhile, and if that gets old, I could go back to school and then teach English. I think the main thing to remember is that God has it all under control, no matter what. I'm really not too concerned about it, and I really don't think about it all that much, although I probably should. It's just that the thought of graduating in a few short months, when it does occur to me, is a little frightening. Sunday, January 2, 2005 :: 03:40 p.m.      So it's 2005, is it? I suppose you're going to tell me it's time for some resolutions. Well, I'll give you some, but they're not so much goals for the new year as they are things I've been working on for awhile or have already planned to take up at some designated time. Anyway, here they are: 1. Love as Jesus loved (and loves) 2. Help people more 3. Eat right 4. Exercise 5. Stop being lazy      I guess those are the big ones, especially numbers 1 and 2. There are hundreds of other things I'd like to accomplish at some point in the near future, but this is really just a list of things I'd like to change in my character and behavior.      I was sure I had more to say, but I guess there was nothing so important that it jumped to the front of my mind. So I'll save everything else for later. Happy new year! Saturday, December 18, 2004 :: 05:25 p.m. "I hope to lose myself for good. I hope to find it in the end, but not in me; in You." -Switchfoot   Sunday, November 28, 2004 :: 12:35 p.m. Getting older is a sad and scary thing. I'm getting older, and so is everyone around me. The Aaron Johnson going away show last night, among other things, made me realize just how much things have changed and just how much things will be changing. I know it's childish, but I can't stand it.     I know I need to just look ahead and realize that God will always work everything out for the best and that there are probably greater things to come, but it's hard. From here, it looks like I'm heading off into a desert.     This was a great week. I really cherish the times I get to spend with my friends, mainly because they're all awesome and insanely fun to be around, but also because I don't see a lot of them very often and because I never know when one of them might decide to move. Anyway, snap, man, we had some good hang time this Thanksgiving break.     Oh, and I know it's cheesy, but Aaron Kennedy's song made me tear up last night. He freaking wrote a song for his friend who's moving away! I have no idea what his lyrics meant, but I can definitely identify with the emotions behind them.     Gosh, I've had an awesome life. And I'm sure the awesomeness is not over, but I'm entitled to a few melodramatic entries now and then, right? Sunday, October 17, 2004 :: 11:19 p.m. Ready for some excitement? Here's my life: 1. School. 2. Homework. 3. The internet.       Then there's the occasional good show and infrequent hangout times (which, when they do occur, are pretty much the best things ever). Oh, and I'm in a bunch of bands, and those are constantly a lot of fun. So really, the only thing I need to do is reduce the amount of time I have to spend on the items in the numbered list. But here's the problem: that involves being less lazy, and that's a hard thing to do. A letter to myself: Hey, dude,       Get it together. Do your freakin' work more quickly, and then you'll have more time to do other stuff. Got it? -Me...er, you...or whatever My response to me: Yo,       Ha, good idea, man. I gotta' get going, though. Homework and the internet are calling. -Chris Monday, October 11, 2004 :: 07:13 p.m. Do you know what I’d like to do? I’d like to escape from fashion. I’d like to completely lose the mindset that tells me obsessive attention to one’s own appearance is necessary for happiness. It seems that such concerns can be nothing but vanity, and although C. S. Lewis says that vanity is separate from and a lesser evil than pride, it’s all just focus on the self. We waste so much time, money and attention on ourselves. Also, it seems that we get a little full of ourselves when we believe we “look cool.” Then again, in deciding to pay less attention to my wardrobe, I find that I get rather smug. It’s a lost cause either way. So what can we really do about it? All I can decide is this: it’s all right to feel good about how you look, but when it comes to spending $60 on an article of clothing, that’s crossing a line, and when it comes to thinking you look cooler than someone else…well, that’s just stupid. Also, if you focus too much on fashion, you’ll lose your focus on more important things. That’s as far as I’ve gotten with it. ha I haven’t thought this completely through, as you can probably see. There’s just a lot of fashion-consciousness everywhere, and there’s a lot ingrained in me. Seems like something should be done about it. FIN Monday, October 4, 2004 :: 02:20 a.m. A lot goes on in my mind these days. I envy people who seem easily able to nail down their opinions; it's not such a simple task for me. Every issue has at least two sides, and every side is backed by an army of people who have completely made up their minds. Who's to believe? In the interest of being proactive, I've been reading a little bit about politics, something I've never fully understood and in which I've had even less interest. Things are not 100% okay in this country (or in the world, for that matter), and if at all possible, I'd like to be a part of whatever group can do the most to change that. The problem I've run into time and again is that few sources are neutral, and the ones that are offer precious little helpful information. Heck, I don't know. I think both of the candidates are idiots. It's just a question of which one would be less of a burden to have in office, and so far I haven't found any information that might help me to decide. In recent entries, you (whoever you are) may have noted my tendency to talk about self-improvement. That subject is still at the forefront of my mind. In fact, I sometimes feel I'm less satisfied with myself by the day, and I still don't know exactly how to do anything about it. I've been reading a lot about what might be called "relational Christianity" and ideas like it. To me, it seems a much better interpretation of the Bible than one which focuses on strict adherence to laws. I've read in many places how Jesus came and died to fulfill the law. Never have many of these passages made more sense to me than when read from the viewpoint of relational Christianity (I hate to give it a name separate from Christianity, because to me it is Christianity. It's the very essence that so many people miss. I only call it by this name because I've seen this way of thinking referred to as such in some places). Some of my opinions have changed, and some have simply been strengthened and given extra weight. I've always known that we cannot save ourselves and that nothing we can do is anything without Jesus; we are saved wholly and exclusively by faith. But I've always had in the back of my mind (and at times on the tip of my tongue) a notion that certain actions are signs of a lack of faith or worse. These were mostly surface traits, things I now realize are of no significance, such as smoking, cursing and drinking. I never thought that a person could lose his or her salvation because of these things, and I always held that all sins are equal, but I tended to regard these with greater contempt. They went against my idea of what a Christian should look like or how one should behave. Long story short, after a great deal of study and prayer, I no longer regard these things even as "sins" and only think of smoking in terms of health and cursing in terms of common courtesy. In hindsight, the process of changing those opinions has been going on for a long time, but it's only now coming to something resembling completion. In brief, we have bigger fish to fry, and the biggest fish of them all are hatred and apathy. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but bear with me. haha I think this post is my brain's way of unloading all it has accumulated in recent months. Anyway, it seems to me that the important thing is love, for "love is the fulfillment of the law" (Romans 13:10). It means caring for others. It means putting other people's needs in front of your own in quite a literal sense. Sure, these are basic concepts of Christianity, but they take on a whole new level of importance when they become the focus of our lives. I haven't yet fully grasped the implications of it all, but an interview I read a few weeks ago with Aaron Weiss from mewithoutYou has some very thought-provoking ideas: click here for that. Slowly but surely, all things that once seemed to conflict in the Bible are being reconciled. Truth be told, I'm still not entirely settled. I want complete Truth as only God Himself can provide, and I will keep praying and seeking until I find it. I do believe that all my reading in recent months has pushed me quite a ways in the right direction, but I need more. I need to know my place in all of this, and that's something only God can show me. And that brings me back around to something I mentioned earlier: self-improvement. I have struggles; struggles with self-centeredness, snobbishness, lust, laziness, apathy, on and on ad infinitum. I determined years ago that I'll never win unless I allow Jesus to win for me, but despite my prayer and pleading, these things never seem to disappear. I know these things don't matter half as much as my relationship with Jesus, but I'd still very much like to be rid of them. I want to be humble in the way I spoke of a few entries back. I want to love naturally and unconditionally. I want to be active and lively and constantly beaming with a kind of joy that only Jesus Christ gives. Only He can make all of this a reality, and I guess I just need to keep praying. If you're reading this and you're the praying type, would you mind saying a quick prayer for me also? I'd really appreciate it. Perhaps making this post will also be a step toward ultimate freedom. Wow, there's so much more that I could say, and I really didn't perfectly explain the things I already said. Oh well. These things have been on my heart and mind for a long time, and I just needed to get them out, perfectly worded or not. I imagine no one read this far, but if you did, I guess you've got a small idea of what I'm like inside. haha In other news, I'm about to write lyrics for some new songs, and from the looks of things, I've got material. God bless! Chris Wednesday, August 18, 2004 :: 02:46 a.m. It's a lot easier to be lazy and apathetic than to try to figure out what needs to be done to fix something. Self-improvement looks less confusing from the outside. Should I even call it "self"-improvement? Perhaps that's my problem: am I trying too hard to improve myself when I should really just be leaving the door open for God to improve me? I should discuss these things with people, but, like I said, it's so much easier to ignore it all. On second thought, strike that. I can't ignore it, because it hovers over my head constantly; I can only say "no" to it, and that needs to stop. Tuesday, August 17, 2004 :: 03:54 p.m. I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think of me. I wish I could just cut loose and be the person I know in my heart I need to be. I wish I wasn't always second guessing myself. I wish I could be the person I talked about in my last entry. I've always been a bit self-conscious, but I've gotten over it at different points in my life for varying amounts of time. I guess it's kind of coming back now, but I'm not sure how to say what's causing it. I have vague ideas, but they look confusing on paper. I know what I need to change, and I know who I need to be. What's holding me back? Thursday, August 12, 2004 :: 12:04 a.m. Every now and then, I see a person who seems completely selfless, carefree, able to let love flow freely and willing to listen to and follow God's voice without question, and I want to be that person. With every fiber of my being, I want to be that person. I know those people probably feel just as imperfect as everyone else, but they sure pull off the aforementioned attributes a lot better than I do. I don't think real humility can be imitated. I think if a person is truly humble, it will be obvious. You can pretend all you want; it won't fool anyone. I think true humility, once you've obtained it, is almost an instinctive thing. If we think too much of how humble we are and start getting proud of it, wouldn't we do just as well to be flat-out selfish and boastful? I think humility has to be something you don't even realize you possess, because, to paraphrase C.S. Lewis, as soon as you think you have it, you've lost it. That seems like kind of a sad thing, because we'll never be able to really feel good about how selfless we are (ha now, that just sounds funny). But actually, it's really brilliant and beautiful, because it takes constant acknowledgment of our flawed nature and complete dependence on God. I want to have humility, but I hope to never realize I have it. I just want to be at peace with God and His plan for my life, and hopefully that relationship will yield true goodness in me. Thursday, August 5, 2004 :: 01:50 a.m. Hey, I'm listening to Mogwai and studying for my final. Yeah, that's right. Monday, August 2, 2004 :: 01:51 p.m. I'm a member of all kinds of message boards, but I've never posted on most of them. I just join so I can see all the content. ...yeah, that was pretty pointless. We're ordering T-shirts soon; perhaps even today. We're selling our new CDs tomorrow night at a show at TU in the basement of John Mabee Hall. Cool, eh? Friday, July 30, 2004 :: 02:25 a.m. Hmm...this nostalgia doesn't feel like regular nostalgia. It comes closer to feeling like fear of getting older, I think. I haven't quite figured it out yet. Things are a blur these days, but that could just be because I sit in front of this computer 95% of the time. I've gotten to the point in doing my homework where I don't know when I'm procrastinating and when I'm being genuinely, ridiculously slow. That two-week break is looking mighty fine right about now. I'm anxious to get out of the house and do things more often. Perhaps I'll find that youthful vigor still resides in me and that life has not become mechanical, that it only seems that way because I'm burned out. Nocturnal musings aside, life is actually very good, and God is truly very, very great. He showed me again today that He always works everything out. I think He shows me that every day; I just have to remember to pay attention. Boy oh boy, did we have a time last night! Kevin, Craig, Chris B., Zach, and I (otherwise known as Copy Copy) recorded a CD last night with the infamously insane Hank Charles. Alex, Max, Kris, and Karen joined us. It was the awesome. IHOP afterwards was the awesome part II. Man, if all of our crazy ideas actually got off the ground (notable recent ones include the Ch(K)ris Money Trillionaires and the Edison High Bobcats), I think it would be too much for this town to handle, but it sure would be fun. Check this out: we have a brand new Scales of Motion EP, a two-song At All Costs EP, and a Copy Copy EP. Also, Kevin recorded a solo EP, and I'm attempting to do the same; I just need some more free time to work on it. Oh, I've also been recording improv stuff with Brad under the name the Juniper Meadows. Taking all of that into consideration, I'll bet we're making more music than you are, fool. Here's a bit of a throwback: a playlist... The Six Parts Seven - new mp3s Sufjan Stevens - everything he's ever done The Flaming Lips - mostly The Soft Bulletin, but sometimes Yoshimi Hey Mike! Ethan Durelle - White Knuckles on Turned Wheels Scales of Motion and Copy Copy, man! Okie doke. I'ma go to sleep. -Chris Monday, July 5, 2004 :: 03:53 a.m. If you're ever looking for evidence of God's existence, just think about yourself for a minute. Chances are you're so complex that you can't even understand yourself. Something so mentally, physically, and emotionally multi-faceted does not crawl from a primordial swamp or arbitrarily assemble itself out of scattered matter from an exploding star. We are the work of a Master Artist whose perfect design is far beyond our comprehension. Monday, July 5, 2004 :: 02:43 a.m. "It feels like the 80s, when our world was honest, it sometimes feels less honest now." -- Denison Witmer Kevin and I listened to that album in the car last night, and that song seemed strikingly appropriate and oddly prescient. The world feels a lot less honest these days, and it's a lot more difficult to see through the haze of ideologies and opinions that grows more dense every day. Groups that used to feel like single-minded communities have splintered into decidedly different packs, many of which have odd internal and external conflicts. Everyone thinks he or she knows how to live life, and each person's opinion differs from the next person's. The truth is that we're all trying to figure things out, but that doesn't keep people from huddling tightly together in their diminished social circles. Some of us still surf from group to group because we want to love everyone equally, but it's getting harder and harder to get along with everyone without being unwillingly sucked into one of the many conflicts. I will not take sides, and it becomes awkward standing between the two. It's horribly cliché to say this, but why can't we all just get along? Sure, we all have different opinions, and we all lead different lives, but does that mean we shouldn't still love and associate with one another? Even a year ago, everything seemed much less complicated, at least in hindsight. In the years before that, things were less complicated still. What has changed that we can no longer be civil? This is one among the myriads of mysteries of which I'm currently trying to make sense. I believe Denison was on the right track. Things change, and sometimes there's nothing we can do but dream of simpler times. Sunday, June 27, 2004 :: 03:25 a.m. Tonight I went to the Mustard Tree for what will probably be the final time. I don't know if I'll go to the two last shows next week. Everything seemed so desolate. They know they're shutting the place down, so they're probably not wasting time making it look lively. But still, it was hard walking out of that place for the last time. It's odd how things change. Shows were a hugely important part of my teenage years. I met everyone I know now, save for a few people I've known all my life, at shows. I've met hundreds of really awesome people, seen far too many bands to ever count, played music in front of enormous crowds, formed side-projects and joke bands with just about everyone, and so much more. I've made enough memories to fill a few large warehouses and shared innumerable important moments, all within the confines of this "scene." I've seen venues come and go, and each one is connected with an era in my mind. The Refuge, the Grounds, Faith Center, Rocketown, Holly Hall, the HUB, the Turnaround, the Loft, the Mustard Tree; all hold precious memories. I've seen people come and go. I've seen people change. I've changed. People seem to have lost interest in all of this. It's been going downhill for awhile, and the shutting down of the Tree, in my mind, signifies an end. We'll continue to play shows, of course, and we'll continue to have great times, meet great people, and make great memories. But it will never be the same as it once was. We were a part of something bigger than us all. We were young, wide-eyed, and enthusiastic, and we were having the time of our lives. Venues close, bands break up, people move on, priorities change. Life is a series of changes. We can't dwell on every one of them. I know the great moments in my life are far from over, but I feel like these have been some of the most important times of my life. I've been incredibly blessed to experience all of this. And I'm not being gloomy; I'm just being nostalgic. As I've said before, God has blessed me infinitely, and I am forever thankful for all I've experienced in my life. I'm being extremely nostalgic tonight. I'm remembering things from my childhood all the way up through earlier tonight. I've got scenes flashing through my mind at a dizzying rate; family, friends, things, places, events. I think it all comes down to this: I love life. I love my parents and my brother and the rest of my family, I love my friends, and I love everything I've been privileged enough to experience so far in my lifetime. Most importantly, I love my God, who has given me all of these things and so much more. So this is me being a melodramatic 21-year-old who's about to graduate from college and enter the "real world." It seems as if life is heading in an entirely new direction, and I don't know what to expect. On the surface, I feel like this new direction could not possibly top what life has already brought me, but deep down I know God has so much more planned. If I'm this sentimental at 21, just imagine how I'll be when I've got a few more years worth of memories behind me. Saturday, June 12, 2004 :: 07:56 p.m. Wow, I'm old. I've come to the conclusion that I'm the laziest and/or most unmotivated person on the planet. The only things I can motivate myself to do are listen to music, read about music, surf the internet, and hang out with people. Oh, and I like to eat and sleep, too. Sometimes I can't motivate myself to get up and take my contacts out, so I end up staying awake longer than I'd like. I'd like to finish up a few music reviews, make the Scales of Motion website, find a suitable merch company and order some T-shirts, record a banjo song or two, and a million other things, but I'm just downright lazy. I don't think I've ever been lazier in my life than I am right now. I really don't like it, but I can't motivate myself to change. Pretty ironic, eh? So anyway, I hope I can break myself out of this really soon. Last night was the inaugural copycopy practice. For the uninformed: first of all, how did you find this weblog? Second, copycopy is a side-project featuring Kevin, Craig, Zach, Chris Bruffett, and myself. We wrote a song during practice, and it's pretty kickin', if I do say so myself. Karen and Kyle came over, too. We hung out, went to Ron's, and did a lot of crazy stuff. Woo! Today, I went to my friend Brad's apartment, and we recorded some weird music. I took my banjo, ukulele, and melodica, and he had all kinds of stuff. He had a couple of violin bows that we used on the guitar and banjo. It sounded awesome. Now I'm sitting here updating my pitas and trying to get myself into the idea of doing something constructive. Thursday, May 20, 2004 :: 07:36 p.m.      I think I’ve reached a point where it’s going to be necessary to do something drastically different if I want to continue doing anything at all. In this case, I’m talking about lyrics. I’ve hit quite a dry spell in that area. Everything I’m writing comes out sounding like a watered-down rewording of a song I’ve already written. I have an idea why it’s happening, and I can break it down into two different problem areas:   1.  I’m primarily a personal writer. I write about my own experiences, because they’re what I know best. At this point, however, everything that’s on my mind is either something I’ve written about before, something no one would find compelling (for instance: college, work), or something that has no business being in a song (I’ve been reading and thinking a lot about rock and roll history and writing a lot of album reviews; those things aren’t exactly lyrical material).   2.  I also tend to make very broad statements of truth or to boil everything down to some sort of “moral of the story.” However, the more I learn, it seems, the less I feel I know. Well, let me rephrase that: this life is so vast and difficult to grasp that it seems authoritative statements should not be coming from one who’s still learning. It takes a very fine philosopher to write anything fresh with any kind of authority. I could, of course, write about the absolutes, but those have been written about so many times that they no longer grab attention.      So where do I go from here? How can I write something drastically different from what I know best? Maybe I should tell stories instead of making statements. Maybe I should write less from a first-person perspective and more using characters. It might take a little while for me to get it down, but I think it will be well worth the effort. I don’t want to sing something that doesn’t need to be heard.      Anyway, this is why I haven’t completed many of our new songs yet. Hopefully soon they’ll be finished, and hopefully they’ll be something of which we’re all three proud. Tuesday, April 20, 2004 :: 01:21 a.m. Hey, guess what? It's pitas time! It's been awhile, hasn't it? I think I'm going to be really rusty on this "typing about myself" stuff. I'm so used to writing papers and features and reviews that I'm not sure I remember exactly how to articulate what I'm thinking on an individual level. I can say that I've been very, very busy, and I am, in fact, very busy right now. But I felt like taking a short break and writing something on here. All right, let's try this out... I'm extremely excited about the vacation my family's taking when school gets out. Man! It pops into my head every other second, along with images from past vacations. This world is so beautiful. I can't wait to see some states and scenery I've never seen before. I can't wait to be on the road and carefree, traveling with the most awesome family in the world and having crazy times. Wow! I can hardly contain myself. I turn 21 next month. It's a little insane, but it doesn't seem nearly as crazy as I always thought it would. I guess turning a new age is always a little less monumental than we always think it will be. I'm excited, though, for some reason. Woo! I feel I've accomplished a lot this semester, and I really think my dream job is within my reach. That's an exciting thing! I can't wait to see where life takes me, although I hope it involves living in Tulsa near my family. We (the Scales of the Motions) are playing a battle of the bands at GUTS Church on Wednesday night. Craig tells me we have 7 minutes to play, so that should be interesting. Our songs tend to run about 5 minutes. I guess we'll have time for 1 and a half songs, perhaps. We're also playing on Saturday with Distractions of Less, although Zach tells me he was unaware. I think he'd better get aware and come have an awesome time with us. ...yeah, I'm a little bit rusty. I'll work on it and post again soon. God bless, Chris Wednesday, February 25, 2004 :: 03:12 a.m. Here are a few unusual things I do: I like to make everything into a news story or documentary in my head. I don’t even mean to do it; it just happens. For instance, I was walking to class today, and the wind was blowing through my hair. I thought to myself, “My hair’s finally getting long again!” And then my brain started writing a news story: “For the first time since being cut too short in January, Chris Skillern’s hair is at its proper length.” It’s a weird thing. An example of this that happens more frequently is that I mentally run through a “Behind the Music” episode featuring our band. The narration and live footage vary from time to time. It’s not always “Behind the Music,” either. Sometimes it resembles something more like “Driven” or MTV’s “You Hear it First” clips. More often than any of those, however, I write magazine stories in my head profiling our band or reviewing our CD. I do the same thing with other bands when I’m watching or listening to them. I also mentally write stories about people and events. After the crazy stuff at the last Enlow show, I probably wrote plenty of stories in my head, complete with real and imaginary quotes. Sometimes I make up a hypothetical situation, decide how it would work out, and mentally write a story about it. Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I tend to walk faster when I’m thinking about something embarrassing I’ve done. For instance, if I say something awkward on accident when passing a person in the hall or saying goodbye to someone, I replay the dialogue in my head, my face probably gets red, and I inevitably start to walk more quickly. I’m not sure what that is, but it never fails. So there you go. Those are just a few of my standard practices. Monday, February 16, 2004 :: 12:42 a.m. To do list: 1. Spend more time with God. 2. Spend less time on Xanga. 3. Get back in shape. 4. Stop being lazy. 5. Get homework done in a timely manner. 6. Write some lyrics. 7. Write some articles and try to get them published. 8. Find some scenic, secluded spot and spend some time there in the spring. 9. Take some peaceful drives. 10. Book a tour for spring break. Ha! I hope that happens. We haven't been able to get a single show booked yet. 11. Keep up with my e-mail more effectively. 12. Tell everyone how awesome I think they are. 13. Have Kevin teach me how to keep my hair trimmed up nice. 14. Sleep more often. 15. Figure out some way to get a venue in Tulsa that would equal the coolness of the Hub, Rocketown, or the Loft. Or the Refuge. 16. Eat healthier foods more often. 17. Stay focused on my studies for more than 2 minutes at a time. 18. Become fluent in Spanish. 19. Start the internet music magazine I’ve been working on for over a year. 20. Make a Scales of Motion website. 21. A whole lot more. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Guess who went to see Decahedron tonight? Kevin and I. Guess who didn’t show up? Decahedron. Guess who’s a little put out after driving all the way out there to see a show that didn’t happen? Not I. Our parents went with us, because no one else was able to go. I always have a lot of fun with my family. We stopped by Dripping Springs, hiked, and took some pictures. We ate twice at the same Sonic in Fayetteville, and the same girl brought us our food both times. We called JR’s Light Bulb Club from a pay phone 3 different times. The dude there didn’t even know there was supposed to be a show. All in all, it was fun to get out of town for a bit and see some different scenery. And I don’t blame Decahedron for not making it to the show. What can you do about van problems, y’know? Kevin’s putting the Bill of Rights to music, and it’s awesome. El fin. Tuesday, January 13, 2004 :: 12:50 p.m. WOW! I'm terribly excited about this class: feature writing. It embodies everything I want out of college. It's about writing feature stories, which is the kind of journalism I want to do, and a few of our assignments actually have to do with the arts, which is even more the kind of journalism I want to do. Better yet, the instructor is Thomas Conner from the Tulsa World, who has written a good deal of music journalism in his day. In class today, he asked us what kind of journalism we read. I said music journalism, of course, and I mentioned Pitchfork Media, at which he exclaimed, "Pitchfork Media!" That excited me. I think I'm in my niche in this class. It's not just a fit close enough that I can wiggle my way in; it's an exact fit. It's my ideal career in a nutshell, and I've never had an instructor that so perfectly fits my interests. Finally, I don't feel like the oddball when I mention my dream job or the journalism I spend my time reading. I see now that my career goals are not far-fetched or idealistic, as I had come to believe. They are perfectly attainable, and right now it appears I'm headed in the right direction. Did I mention I'm excited? Thursday, January 8, 2004 :: 03:59 a.m. Hello. I'm here to chat for a minute, because I'm not tired enough to sleep yet. That's something I'll have to fix when school starts. Well, well, well...what to talk about? I'd like to talk about how lazy I am, or about some of the revelations I've had over the last few days, or about my thoughts on dating and my desires and apprehension concerning that subject, but I need more time to write about those things. For now, I guess I'll just tackle some simpler subjects. 1. I finally got myself a paying job. Ah, the wonders of the work-study program. I'm excited about it. It's 10 hours a week on top of my 15 hours worth of classes this semester. Doesn't worry me a bit. I usually put my homework off until around midnight each night, anyway, so this whole job deal shouldn't change anything. It does mean I'll be on campus all day every day until 4 pm or so, but that's all right. I'll actually feel useful and like I'm accomplishing something. And I'll actually pay for my amp on my own. How tight is that? 2. Craig came over tonight, and we added bass and drums to Kevin's latest stroke of genius. Wow! Have I mentioned yet that I'm excited about our new stuff? Okay, well now I'm even more excited. The two new songs are great. It's daring material, and I can't wait to play it. We'll debut it once we have at least 3 more songs. Craig's drum parts sound spectacular, and Kevin's guitar parts are probably more interesting than ever. And I'm having a lot of fun with the bass parts. Now all that's left is to write lyrics... 3. I don't know if it's just the absence of school that's throwing me off, but I feel like I've been seeing my friends less lately. It probably has a lot to do with me. You see, I'm afraid to call people sometimes, because I don't want to interrupt anything. I'm such a goober. But I really do want to hang out very badly, and I really do want to know how all of my friends are doing. I need to do a better job of keeping myself connected. 4. Denison Witmer, Recovered. That's all you need to know. 5. John and Jamie came over tonight, and that was really exciting. I felt like I hadn't seen them in ages. We hit up a Starbucks, played with toys at Jamie's house, and talked about elementary school. Good times. 6. Kevin and I went to lunch with Kyle today, and that's always a good time. Our favorite joint (Long John Silver's/A&W) was packed, much to our dismay, so we went over to Taco Bueno. We ran into Brady, formerly of the Pazzazz, and he asked us to play at his new venue...the Mabee Center. Insane! Anyway, we were laughing throughout the entire outing, of course. Kyle's such a crazy kid. 7. I think I might go to bed now. Thanks for reading! God bless, Chris Tuesday, December 30, 2003 :: 01:51 a.m. Well well well, things are movin' and shakin'. I just ate half a box of white chocolate-covered Oreos, but that has nothing to do with anything. New songs are on the way. New ideas are flowing. New lyrics are coming out. New instruments are being toyed with. New band names are being desperately sought. This is big business. I love all of our old stuff, and I know some people will probably be disappointed when we stop playing it, but I think it's time for a change. We've been pretty dormant in terms of huge strides in musical progression since this past summer. In fact, we've only played about 4 or 5 new songs since we released the last CD. I think we're ready for something different. I certainly am, and I'm downright excited about what's in the works. I don't know who reads this (I don't know if anybody reads this), but if you read this and have a spare moment, please pray for our band. Pray that we keep God at the center of everything and that our new material will take us in the right direction. I'd appreciate it a lot. I think we're coming up on an exciting new era, and I want everything to be done right. And nothing can be done right if we don't focus on God. Kyle came over tonight, and we chilled for the first time since Henryetta. Kevin and Kyle and I took Kyle's fake cellphone to Super Target with us (it's actually a real cellphone that Kyle found a few months ago, but it doesn't work), and Kevin and Kyle tossed it across the parking lot to one another. They always let it hit the ground or the wall on purpose. Then we took it inside and pretended to talk on it. We would then drop it, the battery would fall off, and we'd pretend to be angry. We've done this a lot since Kyle found that phone. We're easily amused. We also went to the Renaissance hotel and played around in their exercise room, and we went to Blockbuster and played with the cellphone some more. Then we came back to the house and watched two episodes of Viva La Bam. Kevin and I went downtown and took pictures today, and that was fun. We took pictures of downtown OKC over the weekend, which was also fun. While I'm telling events in reverse, I'll go ahead and mention that my family and I went to OKC on Saturday. We had a lot of fun. We walked around in Bricktown, ate at Coach's, checked out the Bass Pro Shop, slept, got up and took pictures downtown, went to Myriad Gardens, spent a few hours at the Omniplex, ate some tasty Mazzio's, and saw a really cool light display in Midwest City. Then we drove home Sunday night. Fun times were had. This entry is really mixed up, and I don't think the ideas flow very well from one to the next. I feel like I want to type some more stuff, but I don't know what it is. So I suppose I'll save it. There's enough to digest here already. haha Oh my. Well, I'm outta' here. God bless, Chris Monday, December 29, 2003 :: 02:40 a.m. "Are these the greatest years of our younger lives? One day we'll tell our wives just how empty they were. Then I turned my head, and there was you." Wednesday, December 17, 2003 :: 04:04 p.m.      Hello all. I'm out of school for the semester. Prior to the semester starting, I was expecting TU to be something much harder than high school or TCC, but it actually felt exactly the same. The only difference was I probably pulled more all-nighters than ever before. It was fun, though. A good time was had by me.      Christmastime is here! My family and I drove around looking at Christmas lights the other night. We stopped by Rhema and walked around. It's astounding how many lights are out there. Then we ate some Chinese food and proceeded on to see the rest of the city in lights. We stopped by all the houses that are the most lit-up each year. A few of them were not lit at all this year, but others were covered with more lights than ever. We sang Christmas carols, and Kevin dozed off a few times. Just your average Christmas outing. I love my family.      I'm listening to Mojave 3.      Last night, I dreamed that Kevin and I (and I believe Craig and John, but I'm not sure) found something that belonged to Ethan Durelle. In my dream, they lived in Tulsa, except they were out of town. Since we had the keys to their practice space, we decided to take the thing that belonged to them and put it there. The practice space, of course, was in a cave on the side of a steep mountain out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by rainforest-like vegetation. We unlocked the door to the cave, went inside, picked up their instruments, and began playing their song "Benioff." That was pretty cool. I don't know what happened to the thing we were supposed to be taking back to them, though. Then everyone was gone, and I was walking around in a gift shop with a nice and pretty girl. I don't know who she was, but we were having a good time. I gave her a kiss and she gave me one back, so I assume we were dating, although I remember feeling a bit shocked by all of it. I decided to buy something weird, so we took whatever it was to the register and talked to the cashier about something. Whatever we were talking about was funny, because we laughed. Then I was at home with Kevin, and we were telling Mom and Dad about the Ethan Durelle business. The end.      I like to think that I'll be married to a girl like the one in my dream someday. I hope she'll be my best friend. I hope she'll love Jesus and be a music fanatic and not mind sitting around and talking about funny nonsense. I hope she'll go to a gift shop with me and buy something weird just so I can have the satisfaction of seeing this dream come true. Okay, so maybe that last part isn't important, but the point is we'll have a good time. But until then, I'm perfectly content with my life. More than content. I couldn't ask for anything more, to tell you the truth. I have amazing parents, an awesome brother who just so happens to be my best friend, the coolest, wildest, craziest kids in the world as friends, a band that's been blessed beyond belief, health, a nice house, and all kinds of other stuff. I won't even attempt to name all the ways God's blessed me. It's incredible. And I have a good time. The end #2. God bless! Christopher Thursday, December 11, 2003 :: 02:26 a.m. Atomic Burrito sounds really good right now. They really should be open at 2:30 in the morning. I don't know what their problem is. So today was nifty. I didn't get any work done at all, but I had a good time. The snow outside is really beautiful, but I didn't really go outside much. Kyle came over today. I love that guy. He and Kevin and I watched two episodes of Punk'd, ate some food, listened to some music, played some Tony Hawk Pro Skater, and talked about all kinds of craziness. Then Kevin and Kyle went for a little sled whilst I showered myself. Shortly thereafter, Kevin returned without Kyle, due to the fact that Kyle had to go home. We ate some pizza, I came upstairs and drew a blank on my paper, and then Craig showed up. I love that guy, too. Kevin and Craig and I played some music, ate some food, listened to music, watched Conan O'Brien, and acted crazy. It was a fun day. By that time, it was about 12:30. I came upstairs and drew yet another blank on my paper (this paper's covered with blanks). I really have a hard time focusing, and this post is further evidence of that fact. I think if I wasn't such a perfectionist I'd probably get things done a lot more quickly. As it happens, I always end up settling for less than my idea of perfect anyway, because the majority of my writing happens at the last minute. Ideas are all jumbled in my head right now. I need to get 'em organized and get this stuff finished. Hmm...what to do? God bless, Chris Monday, December 8, 2003 :: 06:47 p.m. Scratch that first statement I made in the previous entry. Scratch it in this fashion: I'm growing a beard. Why did I ask you to scratch it? I'll tell you why. It's because I'm not growing a beard anymore. I'm just growing my chops back out. They should be nice and thick pretty soon. Mmm-mmm... Saturday, December 6, 2003 :: 02:21 a.m. I'm growing a beard. Anyone opposed to that? I just about typed, "Anywon apposed to that?" That wouldn't have made any sense. But I'm sure if it were a Radiohead song title it could be imbued with some meaning. Every time I type in dictionary.com it comes out "dictionarly.com," as if to say, "Diction is gnarly! Dot com!" Kevin and I had a theory earlier today that if one were to replace the abbreviations in web addresses with the full words, it might still work. In other words, instead of "http://www.atallcosts.org," one would type: "hypertexttransferprotocol://worldwideweb.atallcosts.organization" We tried it later in the evening. It didn't work. We played at Curly's tonight. Kyle came wid uz. IUTTI rocked the household. AAC rocked the drum riser. We had no set list, and we were really informal. What is the next logical destination from Curly's? Why, Village Inn, of course! AAC, IUTTI, Karen, Kyle, Ashley, Tyler, Gabe, Jake, and some girl I didn't know inhabited three rectangular tables out in the middle of everything. We probably annoyed a few people, but we had a lot of fun. What is the next logical destination from Village Inn? Why, our house, of course! Everyone minus Ashley, Tyler, Gabe, Jake, and unknown girl came to our house. We chilled in the world-famous Aprottment, ate of its world-famous snacks, and fiddled around with its computers. Then everyone left, and Kevin and I continued to fiddle around with the computers. Then I went in the other room and turned on the TV, and I followed up by dozing off. Kevin told me we should go to bed. I agreed. But guess what? He's in bed right now, and I'm not. So, HA! Man, I need some sleep. Monday, December 1, 2003 :: 05:02 p.m.      I laid in bed the other night and listened to Five Iron Frenzy. I felt so young and so unspeakably old at the same time. It reminded me that I'm nearing the end of an era with which I'm not at all ready to part. It also made me realize that, in many ways, the era has already ended. This thing is not the same thing it was when I was 14.      Maybe we really are more mature now, but I can't help but feel that with that maturity has come complacency. Is it really necessary to allow our friends to kill themselves in the name of acceptance? Is it okay to feel so apathetic when people we've known for years seem to be slipping farther and farther away? Are we doing them a favor by ignoring their decadence, or by ignoring it are we in fact aiding it? I'm very concerned for a lot of people, and I don't know what to do.      This year has brought the death of many things. There may perhaps never be another band as important as Five Iron Frenzy. They are inextricably connected with the last 6 or 7 years of my life. Twothirtyeight, another one of my very favorites, shut off all their amps and called it quits, as well. The local scene as we knew it has died a thousand deaths on many different levels. We’ve suffered the loss of our longest-standing band, Enlow, as well as many others. Venues have been decimated. Friends have fled or become entirely different people. Faith and even music seem to mean nothing to people anymore.      I miss the feeling of oneness I used to have with everybody around me. Now I feel as if I only share my beliefs with a select few. I don’t know what people believe anymore, and it’s certainly not my place to guess.      Maybe I’m missing something. “We knew You as kids but lost You in smoky bars…” - Twothirtyeight Friday, September 26, 2003 :: 02:04 p.m. We're gonna' start wearing indie buttflaps. The first idea is to have the Deathcab "We Have the Facts..." cover blown up and printed on a buttflap. Other good ideas include Pedro, American Football, and Radiohead buttflaps. If you wanna' look punk but you like indie rock too much, this fad may be for you. ...or it may be for no one. More likely the latter. Saturday, August 30, 2003 :: 06:23 p.m. Well, these are exciting times... 1. I started school at TU! I've already run into all my good friends there throughout the course of a normal school day. I ran into Craig on Monday, had lunch on campus with Jamie and Jen on Tuesday, talked to Alex in the hall on Thursday, and ran into Jamie again on Friday. It's so much fun. 2. The one and only Antenna Lodge played a free show at the Hurricane Hut on the TU campus on Tuesday night. How awesome is that? 3. Kevin and I were at the Antenna Lodge show chillin' with John, Craig, and Jamie when I got a call from Josh Adsit saying, "Hey, Jeff's about to play your entire album on 91.3 at about 8:00." Woah! It was about 5 minutes until 8 at that point, so we rushed out to Jamie's car and turned on the radio just in time to hear Jeff introduce our band (individual names and instrument duties included) and announce that he was going to play our entire album. It was awesome! Chris B. called in and said it was his favorite album. haha I love my friends. Thanks to John for taking our album to the station, to Jeff for playing it, to Josh for calling me about it, to Jamie for letting us listen in her car, to Chris for calling in, and to all my friends for being awesome. 4. I'm really excited about the new material Kevin's writing. I can't say the same for my lyrics, though. I feel kind of obligated to write uplifting lyrics, because that's what the last album had, for the most part. But I'm not really feeling like that at the moment. I'm thinking more about sin and being "in a valley," so to speak, and about degeneration, societal problems, and uncertainty about what's going to happen in the near and distant future. I know it's much more important to be honest with myself, but I just hope other people will understand. I think the glory of God shows through in the good times as well as the unsure times. Hopefully that will come through in the lyrics to the new songs. 5. We have some cool shows coming up, and that's always exciting. Welp, thanks for reading about what's exciting in my life at the moment. See you all soon, hopefully! God bless, Chris Friday, August 22, 2003 :: 02:55 p.m. I don't like to be condescending, but I just read a really poorly written Agony Scene article in the Spot. It hardly does them justice at all. This guy the Tulsa World has doing all the music writing is such a boring, unknowledgeable fellow. He spent the entire article (probably a full page in length) talking about how TAS doesn't exactly have Christian lyrics anymore. I don't understand why every article about a band who has or has had an association with Christianity has to focus completely on that one aspect of the band. What about the music itself? What is a band without music? At least this article didn't speak negatively about Christianity. Usually music journalists completely discredit any band with Christian ties, which is a totally different rant in itself that I'll get to some other time. When anyone outside of the Christian community writes about a Christian band, they tend to use stupid phrases like "holy hard rockers" or something of the like. They're patronizing the artists, and they're patronizing Christianity. The Agony Scene has too much credibility to be patronized in such a way. Let us sing about our faith and our Lord, but please pay attention to our music, also. On top of all that, the writing in the article was really elementary. Paragraph structures were boring, uninspired, and unvarying, word usage was cliché and minimalistic, and the guy just didn't have his facts straight. Maybe it just isn't his type of music, but he should still do a little research beforehand. Oh well, I'll stop carrying on. Articles like this just make me mad. In other news, Agony Scene with the Estate, Enlow, the Muddy Chucks, and As I Lay Dying tonight! Yes! I'll see everyone there! God bless, Chris Tuesday, August 19, 2003 :: 05:15 p.m. I went to TU today and got my parking permit and ID/"Hurricane Gold Card." I took a short walk and surveyed what will be the start of the next chapter in my life. It seems more like a small community than a school. Then again, I guess that's what universities are like. I'm excited about being on that campus, and I'm excited about finally getting to take classes that have to do with my major. But there's also a dash of apprehension in the mix. After a couple of semesters at TCC, I had the routine down, and I was ready when a new semester came along. TU is a brand new experience all around, and I'm not sure what to expect. At least I've got friends who are in the exact same boat. In fact, I probably have a better handle on it than they do, since I've already got some college experience behind me. It'll be all good. I wanted to write something thought-provoking, but my head hurts. I think I've been lying around too much today...and for the last few weeks. I need something to start happening. I'll write again some other time. See ya! God bless, Chris Saturday, August 9, 2003 :: 04:50 p.m. We have high-speed internet now! Man, this is exciting stuff. I can download a song in 3 or 4 minutes max, and webpages load up in a split second. The possibilities are endless. I need to get this Little Compass show stuff figured out. I have a suspicion that the Tree might be double-booked that night, but no one seems to know for sure. If I knew exactly what was going on, I could probably get the show moved to Endurance. Hmm...I need to figure some things out. God bless you all! Christopher Lee Thursday, August 7, 2003 :: 01:31 a.m. I'm starting an internet music magazine, and I've begun writing articles. My hope is that it will be well-written, informative, entertaining, and packed with content. I also hope to give the kids in our town clear evidence that music exists outside of hardcore! Good gravy! I love hardcore when it's done well, but there are so many by-the-numbers hardcore bands out there. It was all I could do to keep myself from jumping through the window at Endurance tonight, because the bands were all so painfully PREDICTABLE! With the exception of the James Dean Trio and Coma Eternal, every band tonight was exactly what one would expect a metalcore band to be. The formula is as follows: -Begin with heavy riffage and plenty of double bass -Transition into a fast, heavy part with a rock beat, and cue the screaming -Insert short, semi-heavy breakdown -Transition into a halftime part with plenty of lead guitar and screaming -Slow the beat down significantly and allow the guitars to play a soft, "emotional" progression -Build and/or go directly into another short, semi-heavy breakdown -Repeat halftime part -Cue the cymbal build, the jumping of guitarists, and the stretching/crowd-clearing/pit-readying moment for the hardcore dancers -End with a brutally heavy breakdown during which every non-dancer in the crowd is kicked There are variations on the formula, but not many. When it's done well, I mostly enjoy it. But when it's as contrived as most of the bands tonight, it's ridiculous. Hardcore bands should take a cue from Flattery Leads to Ruins and Enlow. I love those bands like there's no tomorrow. Gosh! Flattery Leads to Ruins was so amazing the other night! They make me so happy when I see them perform. They need to live here and show this town what it's all about. On another note, Reeve Oliver is the greatest band I've heard in a long time. I think I love them. On one final note, I think I'm going to go to bed now. Goodnight! God bless, Chris Monday, August 4, 2003 :: 01:22 a.m. Greed is not an attractive thing. If we ever start asking a disproportionate amount of money for playing shows, please slap us in our collective face. I'm infatuated with SoulSeek. It has everything I've ever wanted and more. Accordingly, these are a few of the bands that have been gracing my speakers of late: Inspection 12's new album (amazingness!) Joan of Arc Denison Witmer's "Philadelphia Songs," for which I searched endlessly until SoulSeek came along American Football Saves the Day's "In Reverie" Do Make Say Think A Silver Mount Zion Among others. When the Tables Turn, they turn decisively. We turned the tables again the other night, this time with a brand new set. It was so much fun! I've watched the videotape a million times. I hope Jamie and Craig are having a wonderful time in Colorado, and I hope they come home soon. In closing, downtown is a beautiful place to walk around at night. Also, this entry was choppy, so I'm sorry. Take care, everyone! God bless, Chris Tuesday, July 29, 2003 :: 04:35 p.m. I'm downright excited right now! Man oh man, I love feelings like this. In fact, my excitement level is so high right now that I'm actually being productive. I just updated a whole lot of outdated stuff on the AAC page, I changed a few things on this page, and I booked a show for the Little Compass on August 14th and started advertising for it. It feels good to be doing something. Sometimes band business seems like a bit too much to have to deal with, but lots of times it's just really exciting. Like right now, for instance. When I really stop to think about it, I can't understand for the life of me how we deserve to be blessed in such a huge manner. God has done everything for this band, and He continues to bless us every day. It's an amazing opportunity, and it's full of awesome experiences. I'm so thankful that this is a part of my life. God bless! Christopher Saturday, July 26, 2003 :: 12:42 a.m. Nothing beats Dan McLintock and Ted Bond in the same song. It doesn't matter whether it's in CB or I12. Either way, it's guaranteed to be good. Thursday, July 17, 2003 :: 04:34 a.m. I think I've detected what could be a cause of most, if not all, of my recent mental woes. All my life I've been the optimist and the romantic, the one who can't help smiling, the one who's hopelessly in love with nature and every conceivable romantic ideal. But I've also always been a realist. I suppose you could say I've been as romantic as a realist can be, optimistic but not to the point of absurdity. In recent months, I think I must have shifted more heavily toward the realistic side and taken on an air of cynicism in the process. More and more pessimism has crept into my thoughts as the weeks have passed, and I'm only now beginning to realize it. I think part of what's always kept me sane has been my ability to glimpse the much heralded "light at the end of the tunnel." My eyes long for a pair of rose-colored glasses with one missing lens. That's how I can most accurately describe my world-view, and that's where I feel most comfortable. To summarize, it's not that I've been doing anything differently, as I had previously thought, but rather I've been seeing things differently. I need my nature drives, I need to get lost in a beautiful song, and most of all I need to remember that Jesus is all that matters. I need to strive to reach an ideal. It does no good to refuse to try simply because the ultimate goal is unattainable. Of course we can't reach perfection, but true life is found in trying. Praise God for helping me to realize this again! Let's hope I can stay on the path this time. The scenery is so much better over here. God bless! Chris Monday, July 7, 2003 :: 05:36 a.m. Sometimes I want to either scream or sleep without end. Then I realize that prayer is the answer to everything. ...my goodness. The sun is up. G'night! God bless, Chris Monday, June 30, 2003 :: 06:25 p.m. Well, goodness. I'm listening to "You Should Be Living" for the first time in a few weeks, and I'm falling in love with it all over again. All the original excitement and awe that I had when the album first came out have come flooding back. Man! I can't express to you how badly I want Chris Staples' solo EP. It's gotta be money. To the max. My calf muscle just twitched, and I thought it was my phone vibrating. Then I realized I don't have my phone with me right now, and even when I do I don't attach it to my calf. Where is the inspiration in times as dry as these? Even when I am inspired, it fades in an instant. I've started a number of projects and songs recently in moments of fevered motivation and then given up on them just as quickly. I think the rut of routine has wrung me dry. Actually, I don't really have a "routine" right now. Perhaps what I need is a rigid routine so that I'll be all the more grateful when I get to break away and think for a moment. I'm pretty sure TU will do that for me in the fall, but I need something now. I need change. I need to be moving forward. I need to feel like I'm getting something done. I almost wish we could be traveling constantly and seeing new things on a daily basis, but I know that's not a feasible option. For now I need to stay busy and wait for God to put in my path whatever He wills, because I know that will be all the excitement I'll need. The hard part will be convincing myself to have patience. This dissatisfaction is an all too familiar feeling for me. See you guys at the Phoenix House tonight? Oh, and by the way, the tables will be turning at 7:00 pm on Saturday. Beware. God bless, Chris Monday, June 16, 2003 :: 02:53 a.m. This country needs to have officials in each town who crack down on bad grammar, because, by golly, it's everywhere. This is what being a journalism major/the son of an English teacher does to you. I enjoy words, and I don't like to see them being misused. There's my pseudo-rant for the day. We got back into town on Wednesday, so I'll probably update soon and post some pictures from the amazing trip we took. Everyone have a great day! God bless, Chris Wednesday, May 14, 2003 :: 01:26 p.m. Every day this world gets a little bit smaller. Things that once seemed so huge and unattainable to anyone on our level feel almost commonplace now. People I've known for years and years are signing big contracts and taking the music world by storm. We trot around this world of record labels and popular media now like it's something with which we've always been comfortable. Somehow we manage to casually drop a line like, "Oh yeah, Aaron's in As I Lay Dying now, and they're on Metal Blade Records," or "The Agony Scene's on Solid State, they're at the top of the metal charts, and they're touring with Extol." It's almost as if none of this is surprising to us anymore. When we all started our first bands 5 or 6 years ago, it was like a dream come true when we got our first show. Then, along would come an opportunity to play with one of the "big" local bands of the day, such as Reckless Youth, and that was jaw-dropping. As time went on, our bands had opportunities to play with national acts, and we couldn't believe that such a thing was happening. However, none of it seemed surprising for very long. We got used to it, and it got to the point where we could mention playing with Twothirtyeight as if they were old friends. Now, some of our own have become national acts. Those of us who know the bands feel like we're in the big middle of things, and suddenly the unattainable has become the ordinary. And thus the world shrank another size. We talk about seeking a record deal as if it's the next logical step in the progression of a band. And I suppose it is. It's a given that all bands will, at some point in their careers, begin to send demos to labels. The probability of actually getting signed, on the other hand, is much lower. I think I, for one, have forgotten this. The fact is that I'm surrounded by so many bands of such extroardinary caliber that their signing is almost inevitable. It's caused me to take for granted the incredible amount of talent it takes to achieve such a goal. Still, I must admit, my heart skips a beat and my eyes grow visibly wider when I see a full article about the Agony Scene in an issue of HM, or when I see a picture of Zach's bloody head along with a blurb about TCA on the front page of hxc.com. Pride wells up within me when I see an Ester Drang album stamped with the trademark Jade Tree logo. These are bands I've made a habit of playing with, these are people with whom I've been friends for years. These bands are from my hometown, and I was loving them long before the rest of the world knew their names. It's an amazing thing, this music industry, and I feel priveleged to be able to play some sort of role in it. Through it all, we must keep things in perspective. If God wills for my band to be signed someday, I will be amazed and forever thankful. If God wills for my band to remain unsigned for the rest of our career, I will still be amazed and forever thankful. This has been, and continues to be, an awesome privelege, and I hope we never forget why we started and the One who gave us this opportunity to begin with. We're in the studio tonight to finish up the CD. Please pray for us, that our focus will be on God and that the album will turn out the way it's meant to. Thank you so much! God bless, Chris Monday, May 12, 2003 :: 03:07 a.m. I think it would be really cool to have a Bible study sometime. Nothing fancy, just a group of people sharing openly and honestly their feelings about God and faith and other great things. I haven't been able to find a church that offers exactly what I think is really important in a church: fellowship. Of course, worship and learning are extremely important parts of the Christian life, but so is fellowship. And fellowship is the only thing we can't do on our own, if you get right down to it. I think a Bible study would facilitate learning and spiritual growth, and it would help to keep that fire burning in us that we too often allow to fizzle out. I don't know if I'll ever be industrious enough to set something like this up, but I think it would be a great thing. Perhaps someday I'll do it. Wednesday, May 7, 2003 :: 01:01 p.m. Well, to clarify my post below, there are no dates in May on which we might have a CD release show. Our last two hopes were May 30th and 31st, and I just discovered that TCA leaves on the 30th, so forget that. I guess we'll have to have it on a weekday and settle for a meager crowd at best. Gosh, I'm gonna' miss Craig this summer. We never get to hang out during the schoolyear except for on practice days and weekends every now and then. Summer would be the perfect time for chillage, but he's gonna' be gone. At least the rest of the crew will still be here. This summer's going to be strange. No Craig, no playing shows, etc. I'm taking a summer class for the first time ever. It's on the internet, though, so it shouldn't be a big deal. And the "no playing shows" thing isn't entirely true. Kevin and I started a couple of summer side-projects, one of which features John and Chris B. We practiced for that one last night, and it's gonna be fun. Still, the lack of At All Costs-ness will be unsettling. Those shows are my release, and those songs let me get out what I want to say. Maybe I can just pick up an acoustic guitar, write down my thoughts, and express myself in that manner. Regardless, I'll make it through these short months without the band. It'll be fine. We did it last summer (to some degree) and came back with more energy than ever. At All Costs will be back in late July or early August, so it's not so bad. The part about not seeing Craig all summer, though, is going to be strange no matter how you slice it. This summer also holds a number of things that are getting me extremely excited. The one at the very top of my list is a trip to Arizona/Utah/Colorado. Oh man! I can't wait! My parents have instilled me with a healthy, rabid love for travel since very early in my life. We've been all around this beautiful country, as well as the one directly to our north. My family usually takes one big trip per summer, but last year we didn't get to for various reasons. This year, it's on. We're going out to Arizona for the first time in 8 years to visit my brother David in Phoenix and see the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, and the petrified forest, among other things. Then we're going up into Utah to see some more great stuff, and then we'll be swinging back through Colorado and visiting such memorable locations as the Great Sand Dunes. Man, I can't WAIT! You have no idea how excited I am. I love travel perhaps as much as any person can. Images from past trips pop into my head at least 10 times per day, every single day. And I'm not joking. I can't wait to be in the car, on the road, watching the countryside as we drive, sleeping in hotels, witnessing God's creation on an even larger scale than normal. Everything about it, from the most minute detail to the greatest, has me filled to the brim with anticipation. Wow, let's go right now. Another exciting thing is that Kevin and I will be making our first trek ever to the mighty Cornerstone. I think John and Jamie are riding with us, and maybe other people. We'll be seeing band upon band upon band. We're staying in some dorms near the festival, so that should be some definite fun. When we're not out of town, Kevin and I will either be building a deck in our backyard or working at whatever jobs we happen to find. We will hopefully be playing shows with our side-projects, going to plenty of shows, and hanging with people a lot. I will be turning 20, and Kevin will be turning 18. Kyle will be joining us for late-night viewings of Three Ninjas and its less-accomplished sequels. There will be thrifting and eating and sleeping and non-stop laughter. All in all, it's going to be a fantastic summer. And it all starts as soon as I finish my trigonometry final tomorrow. Speaking of which, I'm going to get back to my studies. Thanks for reading, and have a great day, everyone! God bless, Christopher Monday, May 5, 2003 :: 08:47 p.m. Why is the word "schedules" always preceded by the word "conflicting"? Saturday, May 3, 2003 :: 02:03 a.m. "If it's not too late for coffee, I'll be at your place in ten. We'll hit that all-night diner and then we'll see." Well, I have great friends, and I had great fun doing some great hanging out on this great night. It was great. I'm glad we got to chill tonight, guys. We should do it again sometime. I am so very tired. So...um...sleep time. G'night! God bless, Chris Friday, May 2, 2003 :: 12:52 a.m. Ah, friends...listen to Copeland, look at nature, and be at peace. Also, remember what the fathers of modern music said: "All you need is love." 'Tis truth. All right, I'm going to bed. Thanks for reading my horribly neglected weblog and posting in my guestbook, Karen! You rock as well as roll. Peace to any and all who read this, and I love you all. God bless, Chris Thursday, March 27, 2003 :: 10:11 p.m. "My stomach's always been a liar. I'll believe its lies again." -mewithoutYou That CD still floors me. I can't wait for some new recorded material! That small taste they gave us at their last performance here was just too amazing for them to keep to themselves. Thursday, March 27, 2003 :: 04:52 p.m. I'm feeling avant-garde, but I don't know what to do with all of this avant-gardism. Subtract 32 minutes from the post time of this post and be pleased. haha Gosh, why do we have such a fascination with that number? Peace, y'all! I'm gonna go write an annotated bibliography...and perhaps a song or something. God bless! Chris-Toe-Fur-Lee-Skill-Urn Saturday, March 22, 2003 :: 04:20 a.m. Jamie just made me like Homestar Runner. Kevin and I sat up for like an hour or two "reading" Strong Bad e-mails. That's funny stuff, I'm tellin' ya! Oh...my...goodness! Look at the time of this post. That was totally unintentional, but I'm glad it happened. It made my late night/early morning complete. Kyle came over and spent the nizight last night, and it was tons of fun. The three of us went thrifting, had flatbread pizza, and made the BEST rap waltz in the history of mankind. Kyle was also generous enough to burn me a copy of "The Colour and the Shape" (which, you may recall, I made mention of losing in another entry). So I finally have it again, and it's wonderful. Hey, check out my current listening: Foo Fighters - "The Colour and the Shape" and various songs from their other albums. Flattery Leads to Ruins - 2003 Demo (Oooh man! This thing is so good!) Ester Drang - "The Infinite Keys" Mae - "Destination:Beautiful" Further Seems Forever - "How to Start a Fire" Justin Timberlake Craig David Little Compass (Wow) Twothirtyeight Recover Smashing Pumpkins mo' I realize that list has no relevance to anything whatsoever, but every now and then I like typing band names. This is one of those times. I'm gonna' go do a variety of different crunches and hopefully be in bed by sunrise. I'll see most of you tonight! God bless, Chris Monday, March 10, 2003 :: 03:12 p.m. Hi! My name is Christopher. It's been quite awhile since last we spoke. Big props to Karen for posting in my guestbook during my absence! I've been taking a break from the weblogging life to do homework...and not update weblogs. I guess I just haven't felt an overwhelming need to fill anyone in on my trivial life details lately. But today, I think I might. Actually, today I'm free from homework, and uplating the webdog sounded like a good idea. And yes, I realize I just said "uplate" and "webdog." You may notice that I've made a slightly new layout and added a new picture of myself with my new hair taken in my black and white room. There's newness all over this page today! Well gosh, where to start? I've been going to an abundance of shows, as has always been the case. I've also been playing an abundance of shows, which has been a TON of fun in a bun...in the sun...on the run? Friday night was the Enlow/Dirty Thirty joint CD release party featuring the incomparable Flattery Leads to Ruins! Wow, that show was good all up and down. All three bands were fantizzastic! Flattery blew me out of the building and all the way across the street. On Saturday, we played with the Estate, Distractions of Less, and Radio Hack, and that show was also fantastic. I love all the people in those bands. They're so much fun. With shows, of course, comes hang-time with the crew, which always brings me great pleasure. Oh yeah, and last night Kevin and I went out to Joel's shop to see Enlow and Nodes of Ranvier and wound up being served a six-course meal consisting of This Beautiful Winter, Frayle, a last-minute Thirty Called Arson rampage, Enlow, Nodes of Ranvier, and a surprise performance by none other than Copeland! It was great, to say the least. Wow, I think I've lost my blogging "edge." Maybe I'll start posting more and try to pick it back up. Well, while I'm off trying to think up something to write, you should all have a great day! God bless! Chris Thursday, January 16, 2003 :: 01:40 a.m. Importance is vastly distorted in our society. Many things society sees as important are really meaningless. Is it worth your time to worry about someone else's perception of you? Is it absolutely necessary to win or be the best? The answer to both questions is most certainly "no." I'm learning a great many things at this stage in my life, many of which are things I've always known but just might not have taken seriously enough. Mindsets are changing for the better. It's probably not noticeable to anyone else, but to me it's a revolution. It's a way to make a break from the monotony and triviality that has come to be considered standard societal thought. And it's all built upon this one fundamental truth: all that matters is Jesus. Of course, I've known this truth for years, but I'm just now realizing that I've never fully given everything to Him. God's teaching me how to do that right now. He's giving me constant guidance and teaching me how to live the way He wants me to live, and I'm so extremely thankful! I only hope I don't wake up some morning and veer off of this beautiful path. Tuesday, January 7, 2003 :: 03:07 p.m. I've been reading the year's top ten lists in all of the online music magazines, and I decided it's about time for me to brush up on my skills in the area of my desired career choice. So if you want to read a little (more likely a lot) about music, feel free to read on. I spent much of 2002 scouring my resources and consuming all the bits and pieces of music history that might have slipped through my fingers in the past. Most of the year, however, I devoted my time to discovering new bands. I even rediscovered a few old favorites that I had somehow unfairly shelved. Case in point, the Foo Fighters' "Colour and the Shape" only recently became one of my favorite albums even though I bought it years ago when MTV was still showing the videos for "Monkey Wrench" and "Everlong" in heavy rotation. But alas, I had dismissed the album as a flavor of my past and given it away to a friend before I realized how truly great an album it is. In circumstances like these, I believe internet piracy is completely justified. I've already bought the album once, so I shouldn't have to buy it again, especially not with the unpleasantly plump price of an average CD these days. Further Seems Forever also made a return to my playlist this year. Granted, they were only absent for a short while, but, as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I love "The Moon is Down," and I can't wait for "How to Start a Fire" to be released. To be fair, I really didn't "buy" many albums in 2002 (due to the CD price problem I mentioned earlier), so an attempt at a top ten list would probably prove needless. The few albums I did buy were carefully considered, and I am quite pleased to own them. One album I bought was Thrice's "The Illusion of Safety," for which I've professed my love more than a few times in this weblog. Even more enjoyable than "TIoS," however, is Twothirtyeight's "You Should Be Living." That is one behemoth of a good album! I'd have gladly spent the night in a parking lot if it meant being the first into the store to buy this album. As it happened, I was among the first anyway, because the store was just opening as my last class ended. So I'm content with that, and I'm certainly content with the album. Other great discoveries of the year included mewithoutYou, Recover, Coheed and Cambria, Flattery Leads to Ruins, Drive Like Jehu, Frodus, Gametime, Sky's the Limit, Hot Snakes, Too Bad Eugene, Jurassic 5, and the Mars Volta, among many others. I listened constantly to all-time favorites like Dogwood, Inspection 12, Denison Witmer, Twothirtyeight, Unwed Sailor, etc. I also witnessed a great number of incredible live shows: MewithoutYou, Twothirtyeight (for the third and fourth times), Roadside Monument/Pedro/Ester Drang, Flattery Leads to Ruins, and countless other local and national shows. It was a great year for me and music, and there's so much more I didn't even mention in this entry. This year is shaping up to be another great one. January has the release of Dogwood's new CD, "Seismic," and February has the release of FSF's "How to start a Fire" and Mae's "Destination:Beautiful." Also in February is a mewithoutYou/Norma Jean/Beloved show and yet another Twothirtyeight appearance, at which we're scheduled to open! Well, I don't think I quite did justice to the year's music, but I gave it a shot. And hey, it was good practice. If you read it, thanks! If you didn't read it, you're not seeing this right now. Or maybe you skipped ahead to see if there was some kind of payoff in the last paragraph. Guess what? There's not. I'm sorry. I'll be sure to make one next time. Anyway, have fantastic days, everyone! God bless, Chris Tuesday, December 24, 2002 :: 02:57 a.m. It's 2:57 a.m., and it's bright outside. I'm the only one awake right now in a dark house. Shining through the window is the mock sunrise created by the streetlights and the snow. This is surreal and peaceful. The snow is deep and absolutely gorgeous. Imagine my surprise this morning when my mom told my brother and me to look out the window and a cascade of snowflakes met my sleep-heavy eyes. My other brother David, who's in town from Arizona, came over and played guitar with us for awhile. Kyle came over and chilled, but his visit was cut short by the unexpected arrival of some guests at his house. Kevin and I threw snowballs for a bit. Mom, Dad, Kevin and I played Scrabble and Mad Gab. It's been a good day. Currently the music in my head is alternating indecisively between Kelly Rowland's "Stole" and Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River." Other songs in my head today have included "Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC, "Tempest" by Cursive, and NFG's "The Story So Far." I want Too Bad Eugene's album "Moonlighting," and I wish I'd be free in January and February to go to Lawrence, KS, for Cursive and Coheed and Cambria shows, respectively. It's beautiful outside, my dad's birthday is today, and the day set aside to celebrate my Savior's birth is tomorrow. Things are great! God bless, Chris Saturday, December 21, 2002 :: 04:19 a.m. Remember the days of the Ivy League, Philmore, Enemy Called Average, Asplunda, and God's Bus? Remember the Refuge Coffee House, Studio 34, the Grounds, and church shows? Remember how innocent those times were? Remember how uplifting and encouraging shows used to be? Remember how much brighter things in the scene used to seem? Don't get me wrong, I love our scene and all the people in it, and I absolutely love our bands and everything. I have endless amounts of fun at shows, hanging out with people and watching the bands. I just sometimes long for simpler days. Who wants to go time travelling with me? Tuesday, December 17, 2002 :: 02:58 p.m. I was just reading through some of my old entries, and I noticed something interesting: -In an entry at the beginning of this past summer, I was talking about changing my sleeping habits and not going to bed at 6:00 in the morning. I said, "This summer, it's all gonna change." Did it? No. -In another entry from the beginning of this schoolyear, I talked about putting a stop to my procrastination and getting my homework done more efficiently. "This year, it's all gonna change," I said confidently. If anything, my procrastination got worse. Although, I must admit, I got much better near the end of the semester. NEXT semester it will surely all change. As for the sleeping habits, I've given up on those. They're uncontrollable. Go listen to "This Side" by Nickel Creek, "8 Mile" by Eminem, and every mp3 on Gametime's mp3.com page. They'll all make you smile with delight. Also, read the entry below this, because it's new, too. I'm in a postin' mood today. Piece owt, mai peapils. God bless, Chris Tuesday, December 17, 2002 :: 12:25 p.m. All right, the time has come again...I hate my hair. It's long and takes forever to fix, because I have naturally wavy/flippy/frizzy/stupid hair. I have to use this "melting gel" stuff to straighten it out. Plus, I don't even like it when it's fixed, so why not slice it off? It's time for a change. Right now I'm listening to Gametime and messing around with HTML. I'm looking very forward to Christmas, and I'm enjoying the fact that I'm out of school for a long while. I'm excited about TU next year and the New Band Tournament in January. Finally, I probably have a lot more to say, but it hasn't found its way to the forefront of my mind yet, so I'll save it for later. See ya! God bless, Chris Sunday, December 15, 2002 :: 03:19 a.m. Tonight, a band called Gametime reminded me what joy is all about, and in essence what life is all about. They also reminded me of why I've always loved new-school punk rock. Kevin and I went to the Mustard Tree tonight, originally because we knew there was a show, so we were gonna' go hang out with John. We also figured that Jamie would be there, so we'd get to hang with her, too. We were quite correct! We hung with Jamie and John, and it was fun. We left the Tree at one point to get our grub on at Subway. After the first three bands, Gametime was up. I'd never actually heard them, but I'd seen their name on Flattery Leads to Ruins' website, so I thought we should stick around and check them out. Boy, am I glad we did! These guys are amazing! They had two guitarists, a bassist, and a drummer, and all three guitarists were lead singers (good ones at that). They sung vocal harmonies throughout every song, and they sounded incredible. They blasted through about a 30-minute set of extremely technical and extremely melodic new-school punk rock, and I loved it. Another great thing is that they were visibly bubbling over with joy and love for life. They were hilarious and so much fun to watch. Wow, it did me good to see that. I'm so glad I went. I bought their CD. Speaking of Flattery Leads to Ruins, I need to see those boys play again RIGHT AWAY. I'm in desperate need of some FL2R goodness. I wish they'd record a whole bunch of songs and sell them so I could listen to them all the time. Y'know, I think deep, full joy is something we miss a good deal of the time. I'm talking about the joy of the Lord--true joy. So often I'm blinded by daily routine and the things I see and hear around me. It clouds my vision to a point that I forget to let God fill me with His joy. Not to say that I'm not joyful. I'm always happy, but I just get jaded. Things seem so dark and closed and lifeless until you realize the joy you're meant to have in God. I re-discovered that tonight, and it's a wonderful, wonderful thing. I'm gonna' make it a point to be filled with that fully joyful nature, because there's no reason to live any other way. God is great, life is beautiful, and that's all there is to it. And with that, I bid thee farewell. Good day! God bless, Chris Friday, December 13, 2002 :: 10:12 a.m. My contacts are giving me no end of trouble this morning. Every once in awhile they bother me in the morning. They've been much worse and much more painful before, but today they're just causing a light, incessant burning, which is more of an annoyance than anything else. I thought you'd all like to hear about that. I forgot to give props to Karen for being the catalyst that made me start this weblog up again. Thanks, Karen! Now that I've actually got the time for some web design, it seems as if the new layouts would be flowing like Niagara Falls, don't you think? Not so. I'm fresh out of ideas. I've hit some sort of web design block. Why must every facet of the creative world have a block of its own? And why do I so frequently hit them all? It's no fair. The horns of cars on the highway behind my house are creating a noise that sounds very akin to music. Speaking of music, I have "Jenny from the Block" stuck in my head at the moment. Other songs in my head this morning have included "Lose Yourself" and "8 Mile" by Eminem. I just heard the song "8 Mile" for the first time yesterday, and it's good stuff. It was on 101.5 the Beat right after that awesome Trick Daddy song featuring Cee-Lo and Big Boi from Outkast. I can't figure out what the name of that song is. All I know is that you gotsta' understand, Trick luh da kids. More music: In my car: Tooth and Nail's "I'm Your Biggest Fan - Volume 2" Further Seems Forever - "The Moon is Down" The Dingees - "The Crucial Conspiracy" Cursive - "Burst and Bloom" Brian McKnight - A big, fat mix CD of a bunch of classic Brian McTight goodness. Craig's Brother - "Homecoming" Twothirtyeight - "You Should be Living" MewithoutYou - "A -> B Life" On my mp3 player: Sky's the Limit Underoath Foo Fighters Inspection 12 Denison Witmer Ben Folds Drive Like Jehu Recover The Living End Jurassic 5 And mo' On my computer: Too Bad Eugene...Good stuff, my friends. 7 Angels 7 Plagues! What what! Cursive Frodus Gatsby's American Dream Hot Snakes Godspeed You Black Emperor! Joan of Arc Mae I think that's about the most exhaustive list I've ever made. I hope you enjoyed it, because I know I did. Well, I updated hoping to write something substantial and thought-provoking, but nothing of that sort is on my mind at the moment. Hopefully I'll be able to write something like that soon. Regardless, thanks for reading! God bless, Chris Monday, December 9, 2002 :: 10:53 a.m. Holy mackerel! I'm updating my pitas! I just archived all my old entries, so this page should load faster now. Man, if I'm gonna' start updating this again, I'm gonna' have to get back into the swing of writing long entries. That's something I don't do on Xanga. Goodness...I'm not even sure what to talk about. Well, today was my meteorology final. I was expecting it to be brutally hard, and I don't think it was. Although, maybe it was and I just didn't realize. My only other two finals were take-home finals, so I'm finishing those up today. I'll go to those two classes tomorrow to hand in my finals, and then I'll be out for Christmas break! WOO! Wednesday I'm going to TU to talk to a counselor and take a tour of the campus. That should be fun and exciting. Kevin's writing a new song that is just insanely good! I can't wait to start playing it. Speaking of band stuff, we're in the Wherehouse new band tournament! Hopefully we'll be able to get a crowd on the nights we play. I'm excited! We also have the opportunity to open for Hey Mercedes in January, so let's hope we don't have conflicting dates. Playlist time! This is something I can't do on Xanga, and I've missed it dearly... In my car: Craig's Brother - "Homecoming" T&N's "I'm Your Biggest Fan - Volume 2" Twothirtyeight - "You Should Be Living" And mo'...I gotta go to lunch, but I'll finish this entry when I get back! Woo! God bless, Chris pitas.com

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[Name: Chris] [Age: 25] I am below.

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